THERAPIST THURSDAY: What Will The Quarantine Show About YOU?

I think we’ve all felt this way at one point or another; and it is completely understandable during this crazy time! But the reality is, we all have choices to make during this time: we can either take the easy way out and give in to this negativity, or we can decide to dig down deep and find a way to overcome it. We can all be the worst version of ourselves or the best. Here’s a few suggestions on how to do the latter:

Realize and Accept That We Only Have Control of So Much

When this first started, I could see it going either way for me. It could be a time to reconnect with my family and enjoy some time together. Or, it could all go south with increasing irritability and annoyances. I made a conscious decision then that I would make daily decisions to ensure the first one happened within my family. I decided to just ACCEPT that so much was occurring and would continue to occur that I could not change. But that I could keep my focus on something that was completely within my control, and that was the ATTITUDE at which I started each day. I decided that no matter how I was feeling internally, I would begin each day deciding to be happy and deciding to be kind. There are certainly days where that is easier to do than other days. There are certainly days what I want to do is scream or lose my mind. But when so much is outside of my control, I find it very helpful to work on doing what I need to do to refocus myself and control my own behavior towards myself and others.

Give Yourself Time Daily to Grieve/ Be Sad/ Express Anger or Frustration

This may seem the exact opposite of the first suggestion. But in reality, this second step is NECESSARY to be able to do the first step successfully over time. We are all feeling negative emotions, rather that be frustration at the circumstances, worry, sadness, or annoyance with our family or spouse, we all have these emotions from time to time. And if we just ignore them, they will build up and it will become impossible to continue to decide to have a kind or happy demeanor. So, we need to give ourselves time to express these emotions and deal with them. I know for myself, when emotions are building up, I feel them in my body, typically in my shoulders or a tightness in my throat. When this occurs, I know I need to attend to my emotions. I will often talk to myself out loud, trying to determine what is bothering me, and giving myself permission to have that emotion. Allowing yourself that daily outlet of emotion will help to keep you feeling regulated and help things not to blow up. So, find what works for you to express the perfectly normal feelings you are having, so you are able to be the person you want to be to those around you.

Focus on the Positive

The way I see it, there’s two ways we can go when we look around at our world; we can either consistently attend to all that is going wrong, or we can choose to see that positive that can come from this very challenging time. We can watch the news constantly and become angry or discouraged or sad or overwhelmed. We can notice people hoarding or not following recommendations for social distancing and become frustrated and discouraged with human kind. We can think about negative behavior displayed by others or by politicians. Or we can choose the opposite. We can occupy our mind space with observations of people being kind to others, offering to go to the store for them, taking care of the seniors in our community, making masks for others, sharing supplies with hospitals, etc. I personally am loving the creativity and humor that is being displayed by our fellow humans through all of the hilarious memes and videos that are being shared daily. These lift my spirit and make me so grateful that we have so much talent in our society! I also enjoy the daily stories of others helping each other. As well as seeing on social media things other families are doing to pass the time, to bond, and to express their creativity.

Find Things to Keep You Busy

There’s a saying, “Idle time is the devil’s playground.” There really is truth to this. Too much time doing nothing is sure to lower our mood and increasing feelings of hopelessness. So, I encourage you to find things to keep you busy. Do a puzzle. Learn to make. Cook meals you don’t usually have time to cook. Take up reading. Find a show to binge watch. Begin an exercise program. Work on a home project. Clean out a closet or cabinet. We all need to set and accomplish goals and we all need to feel some sense of accomplishment every day.

Learn to Reset and Slow Down

We are all used to a life lived at a million miles an hour. This time can be a gift to us, as it can be a time to learn to reset and to slow down. We can learn to be more mindful, to make more conscious decisions, to focus on the moment, and to enjoy the here and now. This will take some reprogramming for us all if life before was busy and chaotic. I’d encourage you to do yoga, take up meditation, or learn relaxation breathing. Do things to reset your body and learn to slow down. You will likely find that that new, slower pace is quite enjoyable, and it certainly is healthier for us.

When we are faced with tough times, how we conduct ourselves can be seen as a measure of who we are. It’s easy to be happy and pleasant when times are easy; but to be kind, giving, and positive during tough times is where the challenge truly lies. We all have it in us to be the best versions of ourselves, to dig down and find our strengths, even when things are challenging. So, I encourage you to ask yourself, what will the quarantine show about ME?

Rochelle Whitson is a psychotherapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. She is offering telehealth sessions during quarantine.

She can be reached by email at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.