THERAPIST THURSDAY: Are Your Kids Going Crazy with Stay-At-Home?

When our kids say they have NOTHING TO DO, this is one time when it may not actually be an exaggeration!

If your kids are like most I’ve talked to, they’re starting to go a little stir crazy with this stay-at-home order. Some are even developing some symptoms that are concerning from a mental health perspective. Some kids are becoming depressed or developing anxiety, some are exhibiting increased anger, some may be more irritable or may be picking on siblings. Let’s look at the reasons and what can be done about it:

Kids Currently Have Very Little Mental Stimulation

Maybe your kid is participating in online school offered through the district, and maybe they’re not. The problem is, either way, this current structure for school was meant to be a temporary state during a crisis. Teachers were not given time to prepare and public schools were not allowed to make participation mandatory, due to legal issues. So even if your kid is participating daily and completing all of the recommended assignments, it is a severe drop in what they used to do. And it is most certainly not enough to meet their mental health need for mental stimulation.

So, what can we do about this as parents? My suggestion is to find other activities that are challenging or stimulating to your child. This can include things like board games, puzzles, art work, math problems, etc. There are various websites that are offering activities for kids of all ages. Kids can go on virtual “field trips”, learn about various animals, or study different parts of the world. Through a little research, you should be able to find something to provide your child with extra mental stimulation. If your child is older, you can require them to find their own, giving them a few suggestions. They can then talk to you about what they learned. Older kids can also participate in discussions of current events and give their opinions, or they can do things like research the stock market and share their findings with you. If you make these things a requirement to be allowed to do more desired activities (such as Netflix or video games), they will cooperate. Some teachers may also be a resource for extra material and you may try asking them for suggestions.

They’re Not Getting Enough Exercise or Activity

Think about it, in addition to what we all call “exercise”, we also do things in our normal life such as walking from our car to an office or classroom. Kids then move around that classroom at various times of the day, walk from class to class or to recess, and walk to and from lunch. Many kids walk home or at least walk to parent’s cars or the bus stop. And NONE of this is happening now. Our walking includes going from a bedroom to a bathroom and then to the kitchen and living room. Then add in the lack of sports and extra-curricular activities many kids usually participate in, and you get a SEVERE drop in daily physical activity.

As many of you may already know, physical activity is not only important for physical health, but is also necessary for emotional health. So, with this drop in activity, we must be mindful to add it into our daily routines, for our children as well as for ourselves. There is a plethora of online resources available to do this; simply look up what type of exercise you’re interested in and find a video to exercise to. Many gyms are also offering live and prerecorded options to many of their classes. In addition to this type of exercise, simply walking more can be very beneficial. Family walks can not only improve physical and emotional health, they can help with family bonding as well. Bike or skateboard riding are also great options and may be ones your kids are more interested in doing.

Normal Socialization Isn’t Happening

In our normal day-to-day life, our children interact with many people, from teachers, campus supervisors, school administrators, coaches, to peers, classmates, and friends; their lives are full of talking with and interacting with many people. While we may think that many of these are mundane activities, interaction with fellow humans actually is very good for our mental health. This lack of interaction over time can decrease our mental and emotional state.

For many kids, they think they are getting enough peer interaction through talking with others during video game play or social media interactions; but this is not enough. Even if your kid is an introvert, encourage them to talk with others. Help them set up a facetime meeting with a classmate or a zoom conference with friends or teammates. If your child seems to be struggling, facilitate some of these interactions.

They May Be Spending Too Much Time Isolating Themselves

If your kids’ favorite past times are binge watching shows or playing video games, you are not alone! This is what most kids are doing right now. And while these can be an enjoyable pastime, the isolating nature of these activities will deteriorate our mental health over time.

So, I encourage you to limit the time spent doing these activities. Make this time that is earned after other activities are completed, things like chores, laundry, school work, and the other items discussed above. Allow your kid to enjoy these pastimes as PART OF THEIR DAY, BUT DON’T ALLOW THEM TO MAKE IT THEIR ENTIRE DAY. If you do, you are likely to end up with a kid who is angry, irritable, depressed, or anxious.

Self Care is Lacking

Many kids are staying up very late and sleeping until noon (or later). Many kids are not eating enough or are not eating enough nutritious food. In my house, I often find that kids are skipping lunch unless given a directive not to. When we don’t take care of our physical health, a deterioration in our mental health quickly follows.

I suggest setting some expectations for kids regarding self-care, even for older kids. Have a time that electronics must be turned off for the night, set an expected time for them to go to bed, require they be up in the morning by a certain time. Set some nutritional requirements for them, things like that they must eat a fruit or vegetable with each meal, or that they need to eat at least three times a day. Just because the kid is older, does NOT mean they can handle their own self care completely. Most kids still need some guidelines and expectations to manage this effectively.

I think at this point, most of us are suffering to some degree with our mental health. Our kids are no different. If we understand what our kids need to be well balanced and happy, we can still meet those needs, even in these changed circumstances. It just requires a more mindful approach to do so. I hope the suggestions above help provide some guidance of how to structure things to decrease the negative impact of these circumstances on our children’s mental and emotional health. And if you find that your child is continuing to suffer, I urge you to reach out for professional health. Many mental health professionals are offering telehealth services.

Rochelle Whitson is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Temecula, CA. She can be reached by email at meetme4therapy@gmail.com.