The Goddess in the Mirror

By Carol Ann Weber

Who do you see in the mirror?  What do you look at first?  What is your first thought about whom you see?

I remember a rather amusing presentation given by Dr.  Pamela Peek, a medical doctor and fitness and nutrition expert, talking about the differences between how men and women see themselves in the mirror.  She showed the audience two cartoon drawings.  The first was of a guy with a bit of a pot belly, balding and not in great shape viewing his mirror image. The image staring back was this awesome looking hunk with a full head of hair and a body that was a combination of Mr. America and Superman. 

Then Dr. Peek presented the woman’s version.  The cartoon woman was also a bit overweight, things sagging here and there, and also not in super fit shape.  But the mirror image she saw was a woman with a grossly exaggerated belly, butt and legs, vastly overweight and every flaw compounded to infinity.  I laughed along with the crowd, but knew, as did the other women in the audience, exactly what was going on inside the cartoon woman’s head.   

Why do we do that?  Are women just wired to pick themselves apart or is there something much deeper going on here? 

Religious Messages

Patriarchal Messages

Parents’ or Authority Figures’ messages

Spouses’ or Significant Others’ messages

These messages can be so deeply implanted in our psyche that we aren’t even aware of how they affect us as we interact with the world and develop our self-image.  I believe the path to a healthy self-confidence is to understand that you are divine and that being a woman and embracing your divine feminine as being a goddess.  I love addressing my friends as Divine Goddess of ______________________ - I make it up as I go along, describing their virtues as I see them in that particular moment.   And I have yet to meet a woman who didn’t smile, laugh about it, and feel really, really good about herself. And often she returns the favor my naming me as a Divine Goddess of ____________________.

Being comfortable in our own skin is one of the biggest challenges we women face.  You may have accomplished your goals in your career, created a family, or established the kinds of relationships that meet your needs. You may have achieved a fit and toned body or maybe you are more voluptuous, full-figured, full of curves and even some extra weight. But if you don’t feel the ultimate pleasure of living inside your feminine soul and well as your body, of thoroughly enjoying every aspect of your female-ness, you have yet to achieve true appreciation of your goddess self.  Without the pleasure of not only owning your femininity, but taking time to celebrate it with joyful abandon, you may still be living in the illusion that you are nothing more than your body, or your job, or your relationships.

Pleasure is the key to awakening your inner Goddess

So how do you find your inner goddess? How do you connect to her?  How do you wake her up?

The first step, according to Regina Thomashauer, self-named “Mama Gina” and author of  Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, is to embrace pleasure.  

“Pleasure is love.  Love of yourself first, foremost, and always.”

PLEASURE is the portal through which we find our inner goddess. The paradox of our goddess nature is that, even though the realization that we are not just a body is at its core, it is through the body that we find it.  I remember having a conversation about an “aha!” moment that occurred for me at a weekend meditation retreat with the leader, who was male.  He was teaching us how to do walking meditation, using our breath combined with slow, precise movements to channel our energies up through the chakras and out of our bodies to a more “spiritual” experience.  Right in the middle of this exercise, it struck me that such meditation might be very different for men than women.  It seemed to me that men, for whatever reason, strive to get out of their bodies, to beat their bodies into submission, in order to achieve spirituality.

But for women, it is exactly the opposite.  Women have throughout history, been driven out of their bodies by shame, sexual abuse and negative messages about their gender, to the point of no longer being in touch with its needs and desires.  Instead of enjoying ourselves inside our feminine bodies we feel shame and guilt and, for a lot of us, self-loathing just because we are female. I’m convinced that meditation, spiritual practices and exercise should be designed to help women come back into their bodies and experience these miraculous vessels of life and creativity, and perhaps for many, for the first time. To be truly connected to your inner goddess, you need to be IN your body which requires being IN the moment.  Feel your heart beat, feel the rhythm of your breath, caress your skin, toss your head, wave your arms, dance like no one is watching! Or, just sit there and feel what it is like to just be you.

Once a competitive bodybuilder, I came from the hardcore Gold’s Gym school of bodybuilding. But it wasn’t until I got into yoga, belly dance and Zumba that I discovered that the mind/body/spirit connection was more about the pleasure of being a sensual, sexual woman than it was about beating my body into shape.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love pumping iron. But when I’m doing Zumba or belly dance, I’m celebrating my femininity and nurturing my feminine soul. When I’m swaying my hips and undulating my spine in a sexy samba, I’m loving being a woman, and loving  myself for being one. I always walk out of class with a smile on my face.

And get this.  Did you know that the human female is the only creature on earth with an organ designed solely for sexual pleasure?  And did you know our clitoris (yes, that’s the organ) contains more than 8,000 sensory nerve endings – more than any other part of the human body, male or female.  So who might we assume is the most sensual, pleasure oriented creature on earth?

Being in your feminine is powerful

Women are such powerful beings, and femininity is our ultimate power.  I’m not talking about being a sex kitten or an arm ornament.  I’m talking about letting the feminine energy flow through you, energizing every cell, so that you project that energy as quiet confidence when you walk into a room. That confidence becomes palpable as you illuminate everyone around you, and become a magnet to all those who see your light.

Ancient traditions tell of rituals during which women invoked the divine goddesses to seek healing, wisdom and power.  In Mexico, even today, the Native Americans perform a kind of trance dance called the Hikuli, in which they dance to reach altered states of awareness. What’s interesting here is that it is movement for women, not so much meditation or other forms of spiritual practice, that brings us to a higher state of consciousness and can provide answers to any pressing questions. 

Loving yourself is fun

A woman’s path to better health and happiness starts with self-love, and there’s nothing like knowing that you are a goddess to get that loving feeling in gear.  And because your very essence is all about pleasure, I recommend that you find it where ever you can, without apology, because it is pleasure that brings your mind, body and spirit back together to unite as one healthy, happy and powerful goddess.  Like the song says, “Girls just want to have fun.”  Schedule into your day a time when you don’t have to do anything except have fun.  Find your pleasure!

Light up the world with Goddess energy

Imagine how your world might transform when you light it up with your divine goddess energy and see every woman you encounter as a sister goddess.  I can tell you one thing.  You will have a lot more fun!

Here’s another quote from Ms. Thomashauer’s book that I think you’ll like. 

When a woman really begins to pay attention to her desires - ah, that is when the real pleasure begins! . . . It is a pleasure to be a woman enjoying her desires, and a pleasure to be around a woman enjoying her desires . . . And when a woman feels great about what she wants - great about wanting, and confident that whatever she wants can and will be fulfilled - we all have a really good time.