Cougars Spotted in Walnut Creek, Part II

I can’t stop thinking about this whole Cougar lifestyle.

And, in case there is any confusion, let me start off by saying that in spite of the , I am not anti-Cougar. 

Quite the contrary, in fact. I find it fascinating to analyze and celebrate this fun little slice of pop culture.  Older men seeking out younger women do not have such a flippant, animalistic classification, unless you count “Rat." But really that’s more of a term uttered with disgust when referring to the perverted businessman hitting on his office secretary and not one used as a term for fun and amusement like the aforementioned “Cougar.”

Seeing as we here in Walnut Creek are one of the main breeding grounds for this species, I am able to observe and study them on a nightly basis. I’ve found that the reaction from women for what has become “suburban legend” varies quite a bit. 

While some resist being called a Cougar--and with great distain--others in this age group have slipped into the role as if they have been waiting all their lives to arrive at this moment.

From my point of view, rarely will a woman outwardly admit that she likes being called a Cougar, yet if you pay close attention you’ll notice the slight blush that appears in her cheeks. More often than not she is flattered to own a title affiliated with such blatant sexuality--mostly because she is attempting to sustain some semblance of youth.

What makes this “hunt and prey” pasttime so fascinating is the fact that it takes place in such an age-sensitive society. We fear growing old to the point of injecting drugs into our face in order to prolong the smoothness of our skin.  Instead of being revered like they are in many cultures, our elderly women are treated like flea-infested alley cats that need to be taken to the pound (translation: nursing home).   

On the other hand, there’s a need to be age-sensitive sometimes, depending on the circumstances. When the girl who sits next to you in Spanish class at the age of 12 gives you butterflies and sweaty palms, it’s adorable. When a 12-year-old girl gives you the same feeling (among others) at the age of 40, it’s downright disgusting.  We have sexual deviants and predators to thank for this type of sensitivity in our society, and it goes without saying that they should be dipped by their toes into boiling motor oil.

Unfortunately for women, they seem to struggle with aging more than men do (or maybe we just internalize it more), so being identified as a Cougar creates a contradiction that exists within each of them. The term itself carries a distinct measure of judgment, as it classifies women as “older.” Yet it also assumes they are still in the market for having sex which in turn means they might still be considered “sexy” and attractive. Furthermore, if they can achieve the added bonus of being viewed in such a way from young men, well then, she might just let it slide this once. 

For reasons beyond my understanding, I find myself in the middle of these conversations at the bar.Somehow I invariably become a mediator, no doubt a curse when you consider that I am discussing age with women.

What usually happens is one of the young men will bring up the term “Cougar” to a woman which results in her playfully slapping him on the shoulder and saying, “Are you calling me old?” At this point she will nearly always turn to me, the appointed Cougar Expert by some unwritten law, and say, “Do you think I’m a Cougar?”

Like I said, this scene enthralls me, so I’ll take it all in. I see the big hair, the fake tan and boobs, the leopard skin blouse and the make-up packed firmly into the wrinkles lining her eyes.  I’ll then look over at the 23-year-old she’s been flirting with for the past 20 minutes, then say back to her:  “Of course not. You can’t be more than ... 29?” 

I appreciate honesty, but let’s be real, I’m not an idiot. 

Eventually she’ll turn back to her young cub and I’ll keep watching the scene and wonder, Who are these women?

From what I can tell, Cougars are women who are either 1) recently divorced, 2) never been married and have given up the hope of real love because they are jaded, or 3) they simply have an insatiable appetite for meaningless intimacy and need a young man who is equally hungry (horny) and can supply the stamina she needs. 

On the plus side, it’s easier for the Cougar now than it used to be, as one night stands at 20 make you a slut, but when you reach your 40s casual sex occurs with the nonchalance of washing the car. This takes off any added pressure of wondering if it's OK to go home with the boy you’ve just met. 

I’ve often wondered what it would be like to go to bed with one of them. 

Does their age automatically epitomize them as rarefied and enlightened lovers?  Are they able to show you around with the same expertise of a tour guide leading a pack of sightseers through the pyramids of Egypt? Or do they get it on with the same heated desperation that inspires their lavish wardrobe? 

Are they recently divorced, meaning they have been with the same man for the past 25 years, causing nervousness and fits of apologies that kill a moment faster than if a pack of nuns walked through the door? 

I haven’t gotten that far in my research, but I suppose just like within any species there is variance.  Some cats are skittish while others will crawl right up into your lap and begin nuzzling until they get what they want. Cougars are no different, and they come in all shapes, sizes and temperaments. 

I guess my advice to those of us approaching our own midlife checkpoints is to face age with courage and pride.  OWN IT!  Even if you use a walker and a hearing aid, OWN IT! 

We celebrate you. After all, a few layers of blush and a fake tan never harmed anyone, unless you count the skin cancer, but even then only the Cougar is taking the risk, so why should anyone else care?

If nothing else, the term Cougar makes it OK for a woman to be older now and still be sexy.  If you’re a younger man who is in to that, go for it, as it has been declared socially acceptable, even admirable, and these women would love your gushing attention.  Or perhaps you’re a 30-year-old woman who already fears the approaching decade and the thought of no longer being attractive. 

Well, now, thanks to this recent cultural trend, you have something to look forward to.  So gear up and enjoy it.  All I can say is, look out current 10-year-olds!  Soon you will be “cub-legal” and a new breed of Cougar will be on the prowl for you.  Rrrrrowwww!

Cheers until next time, and happy hunting. 

The Barman