Interview With A Cougar

When editor Martha Ross first asked me if it would be possible to interview a real live Cougar, I thought to myself, How on earth am I ever to going to find a middle-aged woman willing to speak with me about intimate details such as her age and possibly promiscuous lifestyle?  How would I even begin that conversation?

“Excuse me, miss... I noticed that you are an older woman...”

Slap! 

It’d be over before it started.  I’d be ripped to shreds. 

Nevertheless, I promised that I would keep my Cougar radar flipped to the "on" position in case anything came up.  What I learned in the process was quite fascinating: People who have secrets (not the dismembered-bodies-in-their-basement-freezer secrets; just regular naughty secrets), can’t wait to confess them to someone--even to a bartender--if given the chance. 

That’s how I happened upon Tiffany--not her real name, so don’t go asking around.  

Tiffany is what I call a semi-regular.  I see her once or twice a month. She is in the Cougar age-range. She's quite pretty, dresses sexy but not slutty, and receives a good deal of attention from men--young and old--at the bar. I can tell she loves the attention, and since she and I have had some casual conversations in the past, and because I was on an assignment, I decided to test the waters by teasing her about using her secret Cougar techniques to seduce young men.  

A woman's response to a joking insinuation always lets me know if I can proceed further. If I see they’re offended, I stop. If they laugh appreciatively (as Tiffany did) then I move forward.  For the purposes of brevity I’ll just say that Tiffany took the teasing like a champ, and she and I agreed to an interview with the stipulation that her identity remain completely confidential.

The Basics About Tiffany 

Age:  43

Status:  Divorced and single

Kids:  Two, ages 23 and 19

Occupation:  Real estate

Barman:  Let me start off by asking how long you were married. 

Tiffany:  Fifteen years.  I got divorced about four years ago.

Barman:  And you told me that you have two kids.  Do they still live in the area?

Tiffany:  No. My son is finishing up school at Santa Barbara and my daughter is in her first year at Santa Clara. 

Barman:  Does that make it easier for you to go out, knowing that you won’t possibly run into them. 

Tiffany:  I hadn’t really thought about that, but I guess it’s a good point. It wouldn’t be the end of the world or anything, but I’m not one of those moms who would feel comfortable partying with her kids or sharing this part of my life with them.

Barman:  Why would you not want to share this part of your life with them?  Is there shame involved

Tiffany:  No, certainly not.  I’m not ashamed at all for going out and having fun. I became a mom at a very young age, so I didn’t get to go to college and live it up and--as I like to put it--get my jollies out. I feel like I missed out on that part of my life. ... All my friends have stories about letting loose in college while I was at home changing diapers and up all hours of the night feeding my son. This is my time to let loose and I don’t feel there’s anything wrong with that just because I’m older now.  Why should I miss out because of my age?  At the same time, when I go out, those aren’t “mom times” (air quotes).  Those are Tiffany times, and I don’t want to mix the two together.

Barman:  Do you see yourself as a Cougar?

Tiffany:  Do I see myself as a Cougar? (Laughs)  Hmmm... It’s crossed my mind. My friends and I joke about it since we’re older now, but it’s not like I have a plan to go out and look for young boys. I just go out to have fun. You have to understand that I was with one guy before I met my husband. So after 39 years I had only been with two men.  I loved my husband, but now that I’m not with him anymore. It's me time. 

Barman:  If I may be blunt, do you go out with an agenda in mind?  In other words, do you go out for the purpose of hooking up and having sex with someone?

Tiffany:  Phew (tugs at the collar of her dress and laughs), it’s getting hot in here.

Barman:  Sorry.

Tiffany:  No, don’t be sorry.  Let’s get right down to it.  Give the people what they want, right?  (Pause)  Ummm... I’d have to say that I’m not looking for sex when I go out, but the idea of not knowing what might happen excites me. Maybe I’ll go out with a couple of friends and we’ll just laugh all night and not talk to a single guy, and then maybe I’ll go out another night and the next morning I’ll wake up with two men lying next to me in bed.  The possibilities are endless.  (Laughs)

Barman:  Wow, you’re right, it is getting hot in here.

Tiffany:  (Laughs again)  That’s what you get for being blunt.

Barman:  I guess so. Ok, so let me ask you this:  Do you seek out young men as opposed to men your own age?

Tiffany:  I guess I simply look for men I’m attracted to first. I have a type that I like and if that type is 25 years old or 45, I’ll just see where it goes. But let’s be real, if I was standing in front of two cars and one was a 2011 Mercedes Benz limited C-class and the other was a 1989 Mercedes diesel clunker---same model, different year---which one do you think I’m going to choose?

Barman:  I suppose the sleeker model that can travel the longest distance without breaking down.

Tiffany:  Bingo.  (Laughs) 

Barman:  Is there any specific juicy Cougar tale of wanton lust you can share with readers?

Tiffany:  (Big sigh)  You just had to go there, didn’t you? 

Barman:  Come on, you’ll feel better if you confess and get it off your chest.

Tiffany:  Oh, so you’re a priest now?

Barman:  Just your friendly neighborhood bartender looking out for the best interests of Walnut Creek residents everywhere who want to know what it’s like to be you.

Tiffany:  And who would that be?  A floozy? (Laughs) 

Barman:  No, I didn’t say that.  You would be someone who does what she wants despite public opinion.

Tiffany:  And what exactly is public opinion of someone like me? 

Barman:  Some who are more conservative might consider such a way of life inappropriate, while others will celebrate you.  Perhaps we’ll find out from the readers after this article comes out.

Tiffany:  I’m on the edge of my seat.

Barman:  Stop changing the subject.  Back to your confession. 

Tiffany:  (Another big sigh)  Fine.  But I’m not proud of this.

Barman:  No judgment here.  I’m just a bartender.

Tiffany:  About a year ago (pause and an embarrassed smile), I slept with the son of one my friends. 

Barman:  Wow.  Stay here, let me go get my Bible.

Tiffany:  Shut up!  You said you wouldn’t judge. 

Barman:  I’m kidding.  Go on.

Tiffany:  She’s not like a close friend. We just hang out with the same people, in the same circle of friends. It’s not like we would meet each other for a cup of coffee, but we show up at the same weddings and parties and stuff. 

Barman:  Got it.

Tiffany:  Not that it makes it any better, but just for the record, I wouldn’t sleep with the sons of any of my good friends.  It was just a drunken night of ... a moment of weakness, we’ll call it.

Barman:  How did it happen?

Tiffany:  Well, I’ll see him at these gatherings I mentioned: weddings and pool parties. I knew him when he was younger, before he was legal. (Laughs)  But now he’s ... well, he’s hot, and I’d see him and we’d talk and flirt, although I always thought he was just being nice until we got together and I realized that he really was flirting. 

Barman:  How old is he? 

Tiffany:  He’s ... I guess he’s 23 now.  Twenty-two then.

Barman:  How did you hook up?

Tiffany: I saw him out at a bar with his friends.  We started talking and drinking and one thing led to another. 

Barman:  Did you think at any time when you first saw him that you might want to have sex with him?

Tiffany:  (Mock frustrated sigh at me, for asking the question, I assume)  I don’t know.  I knew he was hot and exciting, and he looked at me in a way that made me feel good. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I thought it would be nice, but there was that taboo alarm going off too, telling me, “This is wrong.  He’s (name of friend's) son.  You can’t do this.” But alcohol inhibits the judgment, as you know. 

Barman:  Yes I do.  So where did you go?

Tiffany:  Back to my place. I live alone.

Barman:  And was it everything you dreamt it would be.

Tiffany:  I’m going to answer that with a “No comment."  (Laughs)

Barman:  Fair enough.  One final question, Tiffany, and then I’ll let you off the hot seat:  Is there anything you want to tell the readers, those who may not know what it’s like?  Is there anything that you want them to know about being a Cougar?

Tiffany:  I don’t know. ... I don’t see myself as someone with a defined role, someone who’s looking to sleep with everyone I meet. I just don’t want to be held back because I’m older now, and I’ll admit it, I’m a very sexual person. I guess I would say that you don’t know anything about someone else’s life until you walk in their shoes. I didn’t get my chance to have fun and be young and carefree, so I’m going to pretend to be young now and live my life.  If people don’t like it, then that’s their problem.  I’m not going to be 80 years old, looking back on my life and saying I didn’t do what I wanted because I was worried about what other people thought. 

Barman:  Amen.  Thank you Tiffany, and happy hunting.

Tiffany:  Very funny.  Thank you.

Thank you, Tiffany for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. For the rest of you, cheers, until next time.

The Barman