BLOG: Worth Risking a Friendship for Love?

We’ve all been there: Maybe you were in college together. Perhaps you reconnected on Facebook after years of separation. Or maybe you run in the same social circles. Suddenly you find yourself looking at your good friend in a different light. You start to envision yourself being closer, living together, making purchases, sharing a bedroom, a toothbrush? We could go on and on – but you’ve been there. Clients often tell me “we were great friends first, then one night…” and the relationship, the excitement ensued.

What made you change your mind and look at your best friend this way? One word: chemistry. You find yourself always wanting to be around her/him. You start to get butterflies when (s)he calls, rather than just a smile when you see the number blink on your phone. Flirting begins, maybe first over text, then suddenly you want more one-on-one time with her/him. Your regular Sunday “catch up brunch” turns into Sunday night dates and you move from crashing on her/his couch to sharing her/his bed. You can’t wait for him to take his shirt off… but before we get carried away, let’s address a few questions.

Are you ready to risk your friendship for a potential love relationship? You already know this person really well, as in, seen their good days and bad. You enter the relationship with a leg up (no, not that way!) in the sense that you have already seen the best and worst side of her/him. (S)he already knows your deepest secrets and appreciates them.

Trust that you would normally have to work hard for is already established. (S)he knows and loves your family. There are deep ties and an understanding of your faults and still an appreciation for all of them. In this scenario, hopefully you are both agreeing to take the step to becoming lovers, so you are both ready for everything that comes with it. The ground work is laid out and this could be a seamless step into long term relationship town. 

So, what’s actually risky then? If this is so easy and so seamless, what is truly the problem? First off, I’ve seen it many times through my years in this industry. Your friendship, if things go south, could be ruined forever. You could lose your best friend for good. Many times your social circle is uneasy about the adjustment they have to make – seeing you show up at parties together, being affectionate and being inseparable.

You start to ditch the group dinner parties for your dates with your new found “girl/boyfriend.” Jealousy runs very deep here, because there is more invested in the new relationship at hand early on. Also, if things don’t work out, accepting your new ex’s new lover could be a huge challenge, which would have been so easy if you hadn’t “gone there.” 

When is the right time to take the plunge? Three words:  talk it out. You love that your  friend is a great communicator, right? It’s what friends do. Don’t act on your first instinct, whatever you do. Give this some deep thought and weigh out all the pros and cons before showing her/him what a great lover you are.

Is it worth it? Speaking from experience, yes, absolutely; but only if you’ve fully weighed the consequences. There is a special connection between the two of you that is hard to be replicated. But before you go skipping off down the beach into the sunset together, take your time.

Fellow bi women and lesbians out there, take it easy! She’s not going anywhere, so don’t reserve a U-haul after your first inclination to kiss her. Gentleman, don’t jump in the sack as soon as you get a glimpse of your buddy’s new six pack.

Think of your friends and how they’ll react. Understand fully what could happen if wedding bells don’t ring. Let’s be mature -- reflect, process, and decide first if it’s healthy for your best friend to turn into your best lover. 

Specific questions? Email me at Meghann@MixologyDC.com or find other answers at www.ReadyToMix.com

Happy dating!