Chipotle Tries to Win Back Customers With Free Burritos: Many have chosen to steer clear of troubled fast-casual chain Chipotle in the wake of multiple food-borne-illness breakouts, but executives are hoping an offer of a free burrito will entice customers to return to the once-popular restaurant.
Wait a minute! Isn’t that kind of like being offered free sex from a prostitute with VD? Perhaps a better promotion would be “a free burrito, a bottle of Pepto-Bismol and a roll of 4-ply toilet paper.” Or maybe a steep discount on an emergency room visit? In fact, why not just market the place as a “colon cleanse?” They’re really trendy now.
The way I see it, the only reason I’d ever step inside a Chipotle at this point would be if I was seriously constipated and didn’t have enough money to afford to buy laxatives. Chipotle restaurants are the only place I know where people call up to make reservations - for the restrooms.
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Anyone thinking about taking them up on this promotion should simply ask themselves, is the food poisoning you get from free food really better than food poisoning from food you’ve paid for? Besides, what guarantee is there that the burritos will still taste as good without the human excrement and e-coli?