Stalking In Woodland Hills and Contending with Table Vultures

Stalking an individual has been the fodder for many a restraining order, whether someone is following a celebrity or an ex-girlfriend, however my dining experience has revealed a new type of stalking by those who would most likely not be seen as serial stalkers.  There are two locations in Woodland HIlls where Table Stalking takes place, Cheesecake Factory (yes I know it is now in Canoga Park) and Maggianos.  The stalking is caused by a wait of 30 minutes of more for a table and can occur between 5 and 6 before the holidays, when the weather is a bit colder and hunger arrives early due to the recent time change.  Table stalking at the old Cheesecake Factory was more sublime that it is today with the smaller restaurant at the mall.  You could slither in amongst the crowd and then catch the high top tables skulking behind the reception desk and the palm trees.  Those who are expereinced table stalkers knew when Cheesecake released these tables to the chagrin of many waiting for a booth in the main rooms.  
You can always identify a table stalker, first their eyes scan the room to see what tables are most likely to be open within the next 15 minutes, with  diners sipping their coffees and slurping down the last of their desserts, packing a ton of calories in the way of cheesecake for their personal night time raids on the fridge.  The table stalker next moves in closer with their eyes widening, not when the prey is signing the4check, but when another table stalker comes in proximity of the targeted table.  The check is paid and the previous occupant begins to leave creating a fervent rush to the table with the experienced table stalker already on the move akin to a running back in motion.
Stalking at Maggianos is a more serious adventure. First all, if you come in around 5 the milling crown looks like a mix from an AARP convention and a seminar on reverse mortgages.  The intensity is still there amongst these stalkers, who have no reservations, either for dinner or taking  stalkable table in the bar.  The other irony was that many of these stalkers were under 5 foot 6, so these competitors could not have passed  muster on the Disney Junior autopia.  None the less, I snagged a bar high top at 5 and within 20 miutes, the table stalkers were circling my location like a vulture moving in on a carcass.  The area became more congested and the stalkers were literally within 5 feet of my table.  Now this harmonic convergence of 60 and 70 year olds was not happening while I savored my dessert, but as I was just digging into a preliminary salad.  The bread was just served and the butter hadn't gotten hard, and since I was not at dessert, the Jello wasn't jiggling.  There were 3 grandmotherly women focusing on my table and they did not need their reading glasses.  The women began circling a set of three tables, despite the fact that all of us had just gotten our main meals.  The number of these table stalkers increased as the waiting times became 45 minutes or more.  Eating became just more uncomfortable as I started imagining a Seinfeld moment in the offing, where I would throw some bread crumbs to the converging mass of table stalkers.  How do you pollitely tell and elderly couple to give you some space to enjoy your pasta?  The eyes of the slakers are on you as you transition from pasta to the Apple Crostada.  These older types are not just stalkers, they are the food papparazzi, following every move of your fork and, geez, the disappointment if you get more coffee or order dessert.  The convergence of these table stalkers was amazing.  It was a Medicare convention with forks.  The staff at Maggianos were bemused by this sudden influx of early birds who had become table vultures looking for a table to ease their pain of waiitng 45 minutes or so for a table.  One lady got so close to my table, that I was ready to offer her a btie of my dessert. Another obstructed my view of the football game on screen at the bar.  Soon it was time to leave, and I was contemplating ordering more desserts, just to enrange the table stalkers at Maggianos.  Clearly table stalking was no longer an art, ala Cheesecake, but now was a major annoyance in digesting and enjoying a warm meal on a cold night.  Perhaps Maggianos should rope off the area to allow bar diners to eat in peace, or perhaps a CalOsha type of taping off areas with yellow crime tape, so the table vultures are more distant from their prey.  Yes, table stalking is alive, even at five in the evening.  Perhaps next time I will bring a horn to signal when a table stalker is too close, or perhaps a yellow penalty flag which may result im the offending stalker to stay 10 yards away from my table with loss of down...