Watchful eyes....

by Carol Dores

Ever wonder why your toddler walked around the house with the toy phone chattering in to it, just like you?

Curious about why your child screams when they are angry, just like you?

Surprised that your child talks behind their friend’s backs, just like you?

Having problems with small white lies, just like you?

Wonder why your college student drinks whenever they socialize, just like you?

Our children learn by watching what we do, what we say, how we are. This begins from birth. They want to be like us, and be liked by us. They learn more from watching us than by listening to us. When they walk and talk like us, we think it’s cute. When they pick up things that we don’t like, we get angry with them. Very often, they have learned those behaviors from us, another family member or a caregiver.

So what can you do?

The first step is to think about your actions. Pay attention to what you are saying and doing. Then decide what things you want to do less of. Putting a coin in a jar every time you notice the behavior you want to stop can help. Over time, progress is measured by putting less coins in the jar. It’s also helpful to think about what could be done instead. For example, instead of screaming when angry, say, “I’m feeling angry and want to be alone for a bit to calm down.” It’s about progress, not perfection, so be gentle with yourself.

It’s important to keep in mind that children can also learn positive things from us. Being totally honest is an example. Follow the ‘if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all’ motto about friends. Volunteering at a soup kitchen is another.

We can all do our best to be the person we’d like our children to become.

Want to learn more about growing as a parent or caregiver? Visit www.positivedisciplinect.org.

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