No Pressure!

A week ago, as I was feeling a bit unsure about my direction, focus and what to have for lunch, I began thinking, worrying and contemplating about my relationships. Relationships can be fun, stressful, loving, platonic, distracting, unpleasant, hopeless and lots of other things. But I believe that we come into each other’s lives for a reason. I believe that some higher power has a plan for all of this. And we should learn to embrace that – good or bad – with courage, maturity and self-confidence.

When I speak of relationships, I’m mostly referring to dating relationships. I feel that they have lost their luster. They have lost their va-va-voomness – their je ne sais quoi. So, how do we get that back? I say let’s start by renewing our friendships.

Forget sex, lust and love. Let’s just all be friends. As children, we couldn’t wait to get outside to play with our friends. We’d kick, throw or hit the ball around. Lie in the grass and look at the sky. We talked until mom came screaming for us to come in. Where has all that gone? I’m not suggesting grown people go out and play kickball, hopscotch or jump rope.  But actually, why not? What do we
have to lose?

Once we let go of our current relationship pressures, we might just have fun. Years ago, people looked for different things in a relationship. They went to school, met a mate, got married, had children and lived happily ever after. Okay, not exactly that. But life did resemble some version of that. Men were the providers and the protectors. Women were the housekeepers and the ‘baby factories.’ I’m not suggesting reverting to that. But I am suggesting this: taking a step in a new direction that may seem retro, repressive or regressive, but it’s really not. It may actually launch us into a better calm happiness – and validity.

We just have so many distractions in life that we forget what is really important. When we die, we can’t take our money, cars, houses, jewelry or jobs with us. At the end of the day, what makes a difference is the connections we make while we are here. So, let’s connect.

In my writing, at times, I preach about making lists and keeping things organized. But this is one instance in which I tell everyone to forget the lists. Go out, have fun. Keep it clean folks. Yes, that means no drunkenness, no drugs and no sex. Learn to enjoy each other without all the influences of chemicals and hormones. There is no guarantee that this approach will be worth it, but in life there are no guarantees. In order to live, you must leap.

Note to men: Dinner and drinks don’t buy you anything. We know we are adults, but we still don’t have to, if we don’t want to. Just because you are afraid to exhibit fear, doesn’t mean we think you don’t feel fear. No means no. Just because we sometimes give in to you doesn’t mean we believe your crap. If you are married, go home. Learn how to court a woman properly. If you love a woman, tell her. If not, let her go – completely.

Note to women: Less is more is okay sometimes, but not when it comes to clothing. It’s okay to say no. Giving in doesn’t make him love you. When he says I love you in bed, it isn’t always so. If he never answers the phone, do assume there is a problem. Respect yourself and they will follow. Work on your self-esteem.

Note to all: Seeing someone cute in a bar and hooking up is not okay. Loving yourself before loving another is okay. Ruining you and the life you could have had to be with another is not okay.

I think in the end, we all want the same things. Don’t get me wrong; I do realize that men and women are different. But, we all want to be loved and cared for. We all want to have someone to share things with. We all want to have someone to go to the movies with. We all want a bowling partner. Okay, I pushed it, but you get the point. What matters in the end is true companionship – not being alone in life. So, why not make this the beginning, not the end. And, just maybe there will be more happy endings.

Remember these words by Anthony J. D’Angelo, “Treasure your relationships, not your possessions.”