Darien High School Students Say Academic Pressure Is Too Much

DARIEN, CT — In the wake of two student suicides and another unexpected student death in Darien in recent months, the issue of mental health among youth in town has come to the forefront.

Last week in the final full Board of Education meeting before graduation, several Darien High School students urged board members to take action and provide more support for students who are suffering in silence, and to address what they say are unreasonable expectations placed upon students around the district.

Student Patrick Jeffers recounted the past school year — a year that saw large spikes in COVID-19 cases during the winter months.

"A lot was going on, and personally I was not in a good place. I was constantly feeling like I wasn't enough, and I was overwhelmed with stress and anxiety," he said. "I was too scared to ask for help; I didn't know how to do it. I didn't want anyone else to see me like this, so I put on a brave face, but this face grew more and more tiring as the days went by. I did get help, I did find a way out of this, I escaped this prison I created in my own mind, but a lot of students don't have this option."

Jeffers said a lot of the pressure and anxiety students face is "caused by the high-achieving standards of Darien High School and the Darien town and community."

Francesca Perfumo, another DHS student, said at 8-years-old, her biggest dream was to attend Stanford University. She learned long division at the age of 5, and then studied extra math on the weekends to qualify for advanced middle school classes.

"Although small, at a young age I was qualified as smart or ahead of my peers, but the academic pressure and the strive for success only increased exponentially from there," she said.

Perfumo noted that now, her life revolves around trying to be the best in sports and the best academically — a constant competition with her peers to prove she's worthy.

"The pressure to succeed at school is insane, and now we are all starting to break," Perfumo said.

Over the past school year, Perfumo noted she asked her sports coaches for breaks to take care of her mental health, but she was reminded of her commitment to her team.

"My mental health plummeted and my anxiety was skyrocketing. I never knew when I could take a break, who I could trust to ask for help, or what I could do," she said.

"DHS has a toxic need to succeed, and making students feel that an A is worth destroying their mental health. Students have a hard time asking for help because they are scared; scared of what their teachers, peers or parents may say in response."

Perfumo said coaches and school staff need to be more understanding of the struggles students face with mental health.

"Having someone to talk to can be the most effective way of helping one's mental health, yet the trust between students and guidance counselors and school psychologists does not exist," she said. "Guidance counselors have become a place about colleges, post-secondary planning or your schedule, rather than your mental health, which is where we need it most."

Another student, Emma Quayle, said she began feeling depressed at a young age after she didn't qualify for the school district's IDEA Program, which is for talented and gifted students.

"In elementary school, I felt like I already failed because I wasn't the best," Quayle said. "Darien taught me to believe something was wrong with me since I wasn't the best. In sixth grade, I began to doubt myself and struggle with depressive thoughts because I wasn't succeeding."

At the age of 13, Quayle said she was scared of her own mind.

"I had no idea what was wrong with me, or who to turn to. Anything less than perfection meant I had failed as a student and failed as a daughter," she said.

In the seventh grade, her thoughts only got worse, she said.

"No one had any idea that I was struggling to wake up every single morning," Quayle added.

Quayle said the district needs to provide students with safe places, like a walk-in mental health space in all schools, where students can talk about their problems. She also said mental health education needs to begin at a young age and go through high school.

AP and honors classes should also be limited, Quayle said, so students don't overwork themselves "to the point of a mental collapse."

Superintendent of Darien Public Schools Alan Addley thanked the students for their comments, and board members praised them for having the courage to speak up.

Later on in the meeting, the board heard an update on what the district is doing about mental health from Dr. Scott McCarthy, a special services and special education administrator in the district.

McCarthy recounted a number of presentations the district has offered to families in recent weeks on mental health. The district and the town have also begun partnering with community stakeholders on creating a mental health task force.

Mental health resources can be found on the town's webpage, and will be updated on a weekly basis.

During the May 24 board of education meeting, Dr. Jessica Welt, CEO and clinical director of Child Guidance Center of Southern Connecticut, recommended that the district prioritize providing structure and normalcy to students in the postvention phase for the end of the school year and into the summer, while initiating and planning for a more comprehensive suicide prevention program long-term.

Welt also suggested the creation of a "school-based health center," which would provide students with therapy services during their school day.

The board of education will receive regular updates on mental health.

You can watch last week's Board of Education meeting in full here. Public comment begins at 32:40.