All In The Family: A Business Striving To Care For Grieving Families

EAST HAVEN, CT — They came to the ancient and long neglected burying ground in Hamden with a new casket and waited patiently for hours as investigators first tried to locate the unmarked grave and then for the dig. It did not turn out as hoped, but Joe Deko, 35, and James Integlia, 27, were committed to finish the job begun 48 years ago, for the still unknown woman.

Called Jane Doe, she was a victim of a brutal homicide. Her body was found in 1975 on Frontage Road. East Haven Memorial Funeral Home buried her on behalf of the town. (Read that story here.)

Deko and Integlia's time and services last June in the search for Jane Doe were being offered for free. It's not unusual for the new owners of the East Haven Memorial Funeral Home to donate their time, or go above and beyond. The list (below) of the groups they donate to is voluminous. And there are a number of services they provide families that are no cost. For example, they said, Deko and Integlia recently purchased two limousines in New York, so family members are driven where they need to go. It's about "making sure they are very well cared for," Deko said.

It's been nearly a year to the day that the two took over the funeral home on Main Street. And their first official day as owners, a Sunday, was one they won't soon forget.

Deko explained that in January 2022 they "took so many death calls, we probably slept a total of 40 hours for the month." That Sunday, they'd already been at work around 14 hours traveling "all over the state," when returning to East Haven "from wherever we were coming from, I told James, 'Our dads are looking down on us laughing, thinking this is what you idiots wanted? To work 14 hours on a Sunday.' No sooner did I say that I got a death call from (Connecticut) Hospice in Branford."

As a reporter began to ask about the pressure of that first day, they interrupted and said in unison: "We love it ...can't imagine doing anything else."

East Haven Memorial Funeral Home was founded by Salvatore Longobardi.

In 1939, he and his pregnant wife Angelina Perrelli-Longobardi moved from New Haven to East Haven. He'd worked in the family business, Longobardi Funeral Home with his brother and father on Chapel Street in New Haven, but moved to East Haven "for a new beginning both professionally and personally." The funeral home, one of the three oldest businesses in the town, has been in the same location, and family owned, since. Well, until owner David Brennan retired and Deko, who'd been working there a decade, and Integlia took over.

Deko and Integlia met several years ago in mortuary school, though Integlia was a contemporary of Deko's younger sibling back in the day. Integlia was working at W.S. Clancy Memorial Funeral Home in Branford, when Deko reached out to see if he was interested. And he most certainly was.

An Eastie by birth, Integlia lives in Branford.

Deko, a deeply-rooted East Havener, is a career firefighter in Guilford, serves as the East Haven Town Council president, serves on the parish council of St. Pio of Pietrelcina Parish, is Shore Line Trolley Museum president and is an active member of the East Haven Lions Club.

Being a first responder is a big and full time gig. Deko was asked how he does it.

"I lean on James a lot. And we lean on a lot of people. We have a good group, similar to the firehouse group of guys who you can call on for help with something, and they're always there to lend a hand. It's the same here. That's what it's about. It's a team, and it's a family."

One person who's been leaned on for 10 years is Eddie Fusco.

"He keeps it all together. He lives three houses up the street. Eddie is our guy. He's our go to. He's always got an eye on everything," they said. His wife Gigi and daughter Nicole do the funeral home's flowers.

'Cannot imagine doing anything else'

Integlia, who was originally destined for journalism school, explained that the work they do matters. A lot.

"When somebody dies, you're lost. Everything is upside down. You need to have someone you trust completely to take care of things," he said. "That's what we do. We're there for them. Being the guys people can turn to. They know they can trust us; 'They're like my uncles, they're like family.'"

Deko echoes Integlia.

"The way to succeed is to be genuine and treat families like they are the only family, though we work with around 200 families a year. Each one—when we're working with them—our entire focus is on them. We treat them they way we'd want to be treated. With compassion and understanding but, importantly, assuring them that we'll take the best care of them in every possible way."

Though many of the funerals held are for Italian-American families, not all. Far from it. And Deko and Integlia are learning a lot. Funeral services for two different Vietnamese families were at once fascinating and beautiful, they both agreed.

"They were powerful and incredible experiences," Deko said. "We told them whatever you want, we'll do."

The services, attended by more than 500, included monks chanting, offering tables of fruit and food for their dead loved one, incense burned, tea was made.

"To see that devotion was incredible," Integlia said. Deko added that, "every single person thanked us when it was over. Every single one."

And funerals for people of Latin American heritage, for example, though similar in many ways to some Italian-Catholic funerals, are still unique, and touchingly so, they said.

"Two recently, they were exactly like my family," Deko said. "They're a very close-knit community, and we all became family."

Deko and Integlia drove the woman's body to New Jersey for a flight back to Columbia to be buried.

But they're finding that while different cultures have different rituals, at the end of their time with families, what they all seem to have in common is the desire to remain in touch with Deko and Integlia.

"When family members thank you and hug you, you know they're getting a positive experience out of something so sad," Interglia said. "A sense of comfort from people who care deeply and who they trust."

Deko's voice trembles a bit.

"You have no idea how much it means to me, to us, when a family tells us they trust us, that they're grateful. Nothing matters more."

East Haven Memorial Funeral Home is located at 425 Main St., in East Haven. Contact 203-467-1708 for more information.

Deko and Integlia of East Haven Memorial Funeral Home give to, and support, various groups to include:

East Haven Police K9 Memorial

East Haven VFE Post 89

Our Community Heroes Gala

East Haven Recreation- Bocce court remodel

East Haven High School, theater productions

East Haven High School Alumni Hall of Fame

St. Andrews 122nd Anniversary Festival

East Haven Chamber of Commerce, Business After Hours Host

Lobsterpalooza

Golf Tournament Sponsor

Vietnam Veterans Chapter 484

Fireworks, Bronze Sponsor

St. Pio of Pietrelcina Parish Carnival Italian Ice Sponsor

St. Clare Celebration

East Haven Rotary Club

Greater New Haven St Patrick’s Day Parade

East Haven Cheerleaders

East Haven Fall Festival

East Haven Road Race Banner Sponsor

East Haven Rotary Ball Drop Fundraiser

Special Olympics of CT Torch Run Banner sponsor