Health & Fitness
The Freelance Retort: New Year's Impressions
Almost a week into 2015 and the new year is already complaining… (I know…just go with it. It's been a looooong holiday season)
Photo by Danilo Rizzuti
The Freelance Retort by Brian Moloney
“Is this it for the weather…is this how it’s gonna be…my whole stretch???”
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“No…of course not. This is just the winter weather…January, February…you know…the wary months.”
“Oh right…14 was telling me, just before it limped out of town. Sorry…you just never know until….”
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“That’s okay…you’re new.”
“I mean, 14 couldn’t wait to get out of here. Not even a forwarding address to send its unpaid gym membership.”
“Well…a lot of people had issues with 14…in the end, it wasn’t very popular.”
“Yeah…but what year ever is? That’s the first thing they warn us about in year school.”
“There’s a school for years?”
“Well…duh…yeah…how else do you expect a brand new year to hit the ground running? Do you think you’re all going to just sit around on your collective thumbs waiting for a new year to catch up? Who does that…I mean, except writers?”
“Uhmmm….”
“Sure…everyone’s excited when we’re dropped right into the middle of everything on that silly crystal ball….out with the old in with the new…auld lang syne and all that horn blowing nonsense.
You try showing up to a party with that kind of buildup and no prep.”
“Well, yeah, I guess it does seem a bit excessive…now that you mention it…but it’s just tradition.”
“Tradition…tradition…really? Tradition is nothing but a bad habit you repeat over and over; like picking your nose every time you talk on the phone.”
“Hey…my nasal passages get dry in the winter….”
“Just because you do the same thing over and over doesn’t make it a tradition. You know what it makes it?”
“And blowing doesn’t always get…well, you know….”
“It makes it boring…that’s what it makes it…B-O-R-I-N-G….
“So sometimes you just have to dig—“
“Will you stop with the nose…I wasn’t even talking about your nose. How do I know what you do with your nose or anything else, for that matter? I’m just an artificial measurement of time based on the calculations of a bunch of dead guys with telescopes.”
“Oh….”
“It’s not easy you know. Not like we just show up and coast. People put a lot of pressure on the New Year…happy new year this, happy new year that…tradition tradition…blah blah blah blah blah….”
“Well, traditions are important.”
“Give me one good reason.”
For one, they’re personal and folks enjoy them, mostly because…
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