CT Mom Pens Heartbreaking Note About Losing Her Son to Drug Overdose

By Jack Kramer, Correspondent

GUILFORD, CT – In her position as spokesperson against the opioid epidemic plaguing the state, Sue Kruczek has received letters from the president, been at the side of the governor, and has told the story of her son’s tragic death due to a drug overdose to dozens of groups around the state.

Recently, she wrote a personal note, on her thoughts about what has life been like for her since her son, Nick, died a little more than three years ago at age 20. Kruczek goes in-depth on the pain she's feeling concerning the loss of her beloved son.

Here is what she wrote in her own words:

“When you lost a child everything changes. You become very forgetful and walk around in a constant fog. There is no name for a parent who lost a child. Not widowed or orphaned.

“Parents are not supposed to outlive their child. The pain is too large. Every aspect of our life has a memory. Every room, car ride, hockey rink, a song. You find yourself secretly wishing all holidays would go away. You sing Happy Birthday with cake and candles. But the birthday boy is not there to blow out the candles.

“You continue to hang his stocking every year by the same cutout snowflake inside made by his little sister. Just to pull it out every year yourself. Half your heart is gone and can never be whole again.

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“You search for answers that you just can’t get. You save his clothing. You smell your child and know that scent can’t possibly be there. But you smile anyway and talk out loud. You talk. You talk to the dead; you go to church and find yourself staring at the space where his casket was.

“Fighting back tears, knowing that was the last time you were together. You focus on your religion because you have to believe that there is a better place where angels play hockey and there is no more struggling and pain.

“People talk about what’s new with their children. You get to repeat the same old stories because that’s all you have. You want to talk about your child. You need to talk about your child. You want people to mention your child’s name more than ever.

“It means so much to hear anything, anything at all about Nick. It tells us, you remember….

“You listen to people complain about their kids driving them crazy or how hard it is when they go away. You want to scream out loud…what you wouldn’t give for your child to just be away. You go to the grocery store, walk by his favorite snack, tears begin to well up!

“While everyone else is going on with their life like nothing has happened and you have somebody so important missing. So you buy the damn snack anyway.

“Losing a child to addiction means you didn’t get to say goodbye. You look for where you went wrong. You look back over the years looking for clues, questioning every decision and thing you didn’t say. You blame yourself and ask all the what ifs. You find other mothers just like yourself.

“We read about life after death and near death experiences. Find whatever information is available to try and make sense of what has happened and try to save the life of someone else. You may smile and stand straight but you will feel crooked and work extra hard to be happy for the rest of your life.

“This is my beloved angel Nick. May you rest in paradise my beautiful angel.

“Mommy loves you!”

-- Sue Kruczek