Neighbor News
The Guilford, CT Police Blotter Outdoes Itself!
It was thought impossible, but it just happened.... again.
The Guilford Connecticut Police Blotter, the ever-dutiful record of goings-on in this most wretched hive of scum and villany, has recorded perhaps the most mysterious and nefarious goings-on yet in its long littany of mysterious and nefarious goings-on.
"A man reported that a squirrel was running in circles on Davis Drive and was not sure if it was sick or had been hit by a car. An officer responded and as he drove on the street he ran over the squirrel."
The whole story has the ring of Hemingway's shortest saddest story ever told, yet the incident will forever be shrouded in ambiguity and mystery -- as dead squirrels tell no tales (tails?).
For not only does the ill-fated squirrel in this blotter entry not live to tell its story; but evidently, the befuddled rodent was, astoundingly, not even "sure if it was sick or had been hit by a car"... before the heroic police officer removed all doubt about the matter with his cruiser, of course.
Yet, the question must be asked: how did the reporter of the incident know the squirrel was so confused? Ususally being hit by a car, or being sick, is a distinction any self-respecting squirrel is fairly sure about. And we all know our stoic New England squirrels do not run around in circles chattering about their misfortunes, when they can be far more industriously employed gathering acorns for the freezing weeks to come. And even if a squirrel were for some reason unsure of its condition, of course he would make no mention of any such thing to a stranger! Rather, he would bear his particular hardships in silence; indeed, even if alluded-to, he would make light of them. So the question presents itself: is the reporter of this incident a cross-species empath? Is a modern-day Dr. Doolittle is living in Guilford?
But alas, the trail has gone cold. We will never know.
That is... until the next police blotter.
Common Questions about Gray Squirrels found in Guilford Connecticut
Why do squirrels run around in circles?
Squirrels may run in circles for a few reasons. This behavior could be a playful act, a method to confuse predators, or a sign of a neurological issue such as squirrel pox virus. If the squirrel appears healthy and not distressed, it is likely part of their normal behavior.
What is the lifespan of a gray squirrel?
The average lifespan of a gray squirrel is typically 6 years in the wild. However, they can live up to 12 years under optimal conditions.
What do gray squirrels eat?
Gray squirrels are omnivorous and their diet mainly includes nuts, seeds, fruits, and fungi. They also occasionally eat insects, bird eggs, and small vertebrates.
Where are gray squirrels found?
Gray squirrels are native to North America. They can be found in a variety of woodland, urban, and suburban areas across the United States.
What is the size of a gray squirrel?
Gray squirrels typically measure between 17 to 20 inches long, including their tail, and weigh between 1 to 1.5 pounds.
Do gray squirrels hibernate?
No, gray squirrels do not hibernate. They stay active year-round, even in the winter. They prepare for winter by storing food in various locations to consume later.
