Prove Your Love Without the Grenade Part

Since I have teenagers, I am marginally hip to today's hits.  Once both of my offspring have left home for good, I'm sure I'll be allowed to isolate myself with classic rock again.  Meanwhile, I try to show an interest by asking about the artists of the songs they enjoy listening to in order to try to stay connected with their generation.  I'll offer my unsolicited opinion on the singer's voice, the originality of the lyrics and whatever gossip I may have heard about the person in a seemingly fruitless effort to appear knowledgeable to my teens. 

There's a popular song being played on the radio stations called Grenade by Bruno Mars. The singer takes the macho approach to send his message of going to extremes to prove his love to his former girlfriend.  

I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)

You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) 

Of course, whenever this song comes on the car radio, my sixteen-year-old daughter Kelsey turns up the volume and sings along.  I attempt to take this excessive expression of love and make it a teaching moment by pointing out the ridiculousness of a guy making promises that he not only can't keep, but probably wouldn't have the opportunity to perform.  Unless you live in a war-torn country, it isn't that often you are walking down the street and someone lobs a grenade toward your loved one.  The man jumps forward, arms outstretched, "Honey, let me catch that for ya." 

Likewise, what do the other masochistic proclamations do?  "Honey, if you really love me, you'll stab yourself or jump in front of a train."  Some may think it sounds romantic, but I'm thinking it's not a very healthy relationship.  

While I'm on the subject of promises a man can't realistically keep, I thought of some other impractical demonstrations of devotion that would really get a woman's attention; promises that would make a woman's life easier without risking the life or limb of her man.  

I'd have PMS for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)   

Go through pregnancy and childbirth for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)  

I'd stand in line for the ladies room for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Being a master of improvisational music, my brother Paul came up with a few clever lines of his own that are more performable:     

I’d hire a maid for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Turn my head when you’re weighed for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d eat something you made for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I’d get a cat spayed for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Say you looked good in suede for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)

Listen to your tirade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)