Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

My mother's a Realtor and my father's an LO,
So my house is divided as this letter will show.
My mom can list and sell any home
And my dad always promises to close every loan.
But what I've observed is not actually the case -
For it seems that most deals blow up in their face.
It starts with the sellers, and the sales price they set,
My mom says you can wish, but that won't be what you get.
She goes round-n-round, and sometimes for months;
Open houses, new pictures, and all kinds of stunts.
Finally a buyer, now that the price looks right.
Funny thing is, it's what mommy mentioned the first night -
-When she met with the sellers, and got their listing...
Oh well, let's hope the buyers qualify - back to the wishing.
In comes daddy, to give it a try...
Their credit looks good, so they pre-qualify.
The next few days, the buyers gather their stuff
And now all of sudden, this file looks tough.
Daddy always says, his job is like a game...
What buyers tell you then show you, are never the same.
Between loan apps and emails and all types of faxes -
What a buyer says is his income, is not what's on his taxes.
So daddy calls his lenders to figure this out
He really wants to help the buyers get into this house.
The lenders all say they will give it a go -
Submit it to DU, and see what DU will show.
Is it FHA or Conventional or possibly VA?
DU likes the findings, and says it's ok.
So the file goes into underwriting, and the process begins...
A 30-day closing is how everyone hopes this will end.
3 weeks go by, and all goes off without a hitch...
Then the appraisal comes in under value, ain't this a b*$ch?!
Come to find out, the appraiser's from Dallas -
So he really doesn't know, Houston from Alice.
Now everyone's upset - the sellers especially -
So much for this transaction on closing successfully.
Referrals a plenty, is what mom and dad were wishin'
Now they'll be lucky to just get the commission.
You see Santa,...this is what I see -
A business full of headaches and misery.
The Realtors blame the loan officers and they blame the lenders
And the buyers and sellers both play the pretenders.
To finish my story, just so you know
Some 60 days later, the loan finally closed.
I heard it was a "nightmare" as all of them are...
But mommy said that "this one by far..."
"...was the worst of them all!" And I'll hear that again -
But for now, mom and daddy are back to being friends.
I did want a bike or a skateboard for thrashin'
But all I want for Christmas is a smooth transaction!
Thank you Santa!