“Many Versions, but I wouldn’t Bet Against Him”
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS
auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor began with, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and
no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand - with
Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa says, "I'll bet you six thousand
dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and piddle into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old
guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grndpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains
mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other
side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd
been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that
he could come in here and piddle all over your desk and that you'd be
happy about it.
Image courtesy of Farconville/freedigitalphotos.net
