Civility

When my middle daughter was in elementary school her class took a field trip to a local museum.   Later that afternoon the museum docent called to compliment my daughter on her good manners.  It was one of my proudest moments as a parent; one of my priorities was to impart to my children the importance of good manners in all situations.  To me that is the essence of civility. 

As a grownup that means paying attention when someone else is speaking, taking turns speaking and listening without interrupting, acknowledging that one may have a different perspective on an issue without engaging in a character attack. 

Tone of voice is important.  Truthfulness is essential.  Criticism or disagreement should be constructive, not personal.  All voices should be heard and the only way to accomplish this is through civil discourse.  Interrupting, talking over someone else, name-calling, characterizing one with a different point of view or offering alternate suggestions as wrong – these are counterproductive. 

Civility sometimes means not responding to name-calling because engaging in that kind of discourse reduces all parties to incivility.  

Incivility makes difficult work more difficult than it should be and reduces the likelihood of a reasoned outcome. 

Civility is not optional; it is always appropriate and absolutely necessary.