Excuse Me, What Did You Just Say?

Some of you may know that my favorite book happens to be the dictionary. I’m a writer; words are my thing.

Yesterday I had an occasion to require the use of the dictionary. The word “balderdash” came up while I was talking and my 12-year-old, who rarely tunes into my voice, took notice. Basically, the gist of the conversation began with, “Every word that comes out of your mouth is complete balderdash!”

“Mom, does that mean they’re yelling really fast?” My inquisitive child asked.

“No, he wasn’t yelling, he just wasn’t making any sense.”

“Then why is it bolder?”

This, of course, prompted me to write this piece in terms of how children, who are raised with such languages as “text-speak” and “Hooked on Phonics”, process and then define the words they hear, see, and use. I’ve come up with a few definitions to words, both in the English language and that which is foreign to me.

Avoidable – Actually a Spanish word, meaning “Running of the Bulls”. This word only comes in the male form (females wouldn't think of doing this).

Brothel – Wearing one cup-size too small and giving an eye-thel

Chilies – (chill –ease) It’s why the peppers are so hot

Chirp – LOUD, predawn, springtime birds. When spoken in the plural form it means insomnia

Classic – What happens to my 15-year-old when his homework isn’t done

Debris – Product of one’s digestive system after too much French cheese

Dictator – Mr. Potato Head’s alias (my personal favorite) 

Erase – (e-race) Playing Gardens of Time on Facebook, or other silly hidden object game

Function – (funk – shin) A broken leg. Plural form is defined as immobility (I checked with the Scooter-Store on that). Also can be used, by your doctor, as functional if your name is Al. Don’t ask me about the ‘ity’ part, I only know it’s a very useful word.

Fusion – The state that arises when a toddler has a ‘meltdown’

Imbibe - The consumption of large quantities of alcoholic 'spirits', then speaking pig Latin with them.

Oil – A southern, Yiddish exclamation of pain. Can be used, quite effectively, at the gas pumps

Opportunist – Singing ‘Pavarotti’ while driving.

Purifier – (pure – if – hire) Employment advertisement for clergy

Refrigerator – That cool place where teenagers are frozen in time. Fathers, through their own experience, know this lasts a very long time.

Silence -

Textbook – A place where your high schooler hides active cell phone corresponding

Uranus – A 10-year-old’s joke that men, who really are from Mars, think is funny

Withdrawal – Bank heist…southern style

Some of these may not be original; no thought or idea ever really is. Perhaps you’ve though of, maybe even said these very words. It’s not hard to understand that…obviously you read, and apparently enjoy the dictionary as much as I do.

One disclaimer, while I didn’t use any websites in my research (just my dictionary), I did come up with these on my own. Not a huge feat, but one that was not copied, stolen, or plagiarized. (Plagiarize – legal term meaning the process which results in one writing disclaimers). (Disclaimer – the opposite of Plagiarize). That should cover all of it!