Health and Beauty 'Aides'

I wouldn’t have been so alarmed if my children were home, when it hit me in the head. However, I was alone and naked and in my shower. All I thought was it must have been a bug. Probably an enormous bug by the thwack I suffered. I felt so vulnerable, and exposed, standing there but ran my hand through my wet hair and pried it out. I squinted, cause I can’t see without glasses, steadied my shaking hand, and focused in on the Q-Tip.

“That’s odd.” I said, and looked up. There must have been 287 of them just hanging from the ceiling. They were dripping down like stalactite formations from Carlsbad Caverns that vacationers pay a ton of money to see.

Squinting harder, I discovered the ceiling wasn’t the only surface afflicted; they were everywhere. For two boys who wouldn’t find the hamper if it was woven out of hundred dollar bills, one of them found the super-sized box of 300 plus Q-tips, and together they transformed my shower into a cavern.

I vaguely recalled the shower the boys took the night before. I herded them to the bathroom door, instructed them to remove their clothing, place it in the hamper and to use soap and water on their bodies inside the shower. What I don’t recollect was any mention of Q-tips.

After my awe of the boy-made marvel wore off, I wondered how they had done it. Surely, a masterpiece of this magnitude must have taken longer than the three and one half minutes they took turns, passing under the nozzle, squirting shampoo at each other. Pleased, I was, to know that this ‘vacation’ cost me next nothing.

“How did this happen?” I asked the older one when I brought him into the bathroom later.

 “What? Oh, that? I don’t know.” He said through grinning lips stifling a chuckle.

It appears that wet Q-tips stick quite well to bathroom ceilings when flung by small wet children. The Q-Tips even cling after drying. Scientists might benefit to know about that.

 That night, I handed one a broom and the other a plastic bag and gave the orders to sweep and gather. When they finished, I continued with the nightly shower instructions, remove clothing, place it in the hamper, use soap, and water on your bodies inside the shower. However, I tried to out-smart them, “No Q-tips, any questions?”

“Why not?” Replied the youngest. The oldest whispered, “Noah, just get the tissues, she didn’t say anything about tissues.”