Parenting 101

I met the parenting challenge head on and was instantly knocked on my bottom, kicked, pooped on, and left for dead. But only after my son was fed, rocked, bathed, and changed then bathed and changed again. I was washing bottles, “Shout”ing out formula stains on everyone’s clothing and desperately trying to keep up with cooking, cleaning, and being a wife. Therefore, I really had no time to be dead. My time was spent being exhausted, depressed, doing all I could to console my colicky child, and crying, a lot.

Oh, I had heard of mothers who loved being pregnant, how infancy was simply the most joyous time. Their child napped for 3 hours twice a day, and slept through the night at 6 weeks old. Well, I wasn’t buying it. I thought surely these mothers must be faking it and their babies must be too.

Then that glorious time came, when my child actually slept for five straight, uninterrupted hours. Ok, so he was 12 months old and down to only one, hour and ½ nap a day and running, climbing and bouncing everywhere since he 10 months old. Still, I was elated; he most likely, was just completely exhausted. 

By the time I decided to donate my uterus to science, I discovered I was pregnant with my second child. Another boy, (oh, boy!). For the first two weeks after he was born, he was perfect. Yes, I had one of those children and I could be one of those mothers. However, the two weeks were short lived and I was again exhausted, depressed and crying a lot. At the same time as all of this tiredness, sadness, and tears, I was completely and totally in love with my boys. How was it possible that these two little people could be the cause of such an emotional tug of war? I guess the question can never have the right words to answer. Love is the only thing that might come close.

My vulnerability to every emotion known has increased dramatically. My heart crumbles in a moment if one of my boys comes off the school bus upset because someone said something to hurt his feelings. If one falls and bumps his head, my headache can last for days. I can apply Band-Aids, dole out plenty of hugs and kisses, even spray monster repellant under the bed at night.

Then, when they are tucked safely in their beds (or mine) I secretly make a vow to insert very large pins in the voodoo doll of that kid on the bus while chanting, “Nobody messes with my child.” But, being too busy with hugs and kisses, I have yet to make the voodoo doll but resolve to conceal the monster repellant in the backpack for school.

There is nowhere to hide from the torrent of emotions that flood from every direction. How did this happen? I thought my heart had some protection, like Teflon, to which nothing could stick.

As a parent, this roller coaster ride will never end. The joyous highs and the heartbreaking lows are the affirmation of true, unconditional love. As a child, this roller coaster ride will persistently push the limits in an attempt to defy gravity. Gravity is not something that should be fooled with, but they will learn. And I will lovingly settle in for the ride.