Supplements Promote Funny-Bone Growth

Give me a serious situation, like parent/teacher conferences or a call from the school principal and I will always find humor in it. I know it’s not proper. So, I have researched the cause of my inappropriate behavior and have come to only one conclusion - prenatal vitamins. The manufacturer of these supplement servings must have included something to promote the growth of my funny bone. They knew I would need a lot of ‘funny’, pre-natal, even years later.

After the last big snowfall and just enough rain to leave a thin sheet of ice - a perfect recipe for crispy daggers of disaster - my oldest, Christian, ventured out onto the frozen snow to bring our dog into the house. The dog’s chain was wrapped around my Rose of Sharon bush, which was now uprooted and being dragged around. To free the dog, Christian took hold of the dog collar in one hand and released the leash with the other. Though the dog may have appeared to be in distress, he was smart and quick. The dog knew he can take advantage of little people.

 I watched this, from the warmth of my house, and banged on the window. Soon my arms started flapping, in an air-traffic -controller fashion, to warn Christian to prepare for a crash. The bang on the window was all ‘Smart Dog’ needed to distract Christian, and he bolted. Still attached to the collar was my brave and determined child.

Forced from my warm house, still in my pajamas and slippers, I bounded across the frozen snow yelling at the dog to stop. I shouted to Christian several “Let Go’s” in rapid succession. The dog heard “Let’s go” and he went - grabbing my slipper, which was stuck in the branches of the Rose of Sharon bush. Smart Dog, then began an aggressive head-shaking thing with my slipper. All while I continued my bounding.

Only after my brave little rescuer was dragged across the yard, through the driveway and up a huge snow bank did he let go of the dog’s collar. At that preposterous moment, the lovable family pet became “Very Bad Dog”. By that point, I had become quite hysterical but not upset-hysterical. I was laughing, guffawing at this ‘serious situation.’ Christian, shaken, but OK, stood up, raised his fists in the air and proceeded to sing the theme song from Rocky; a demonstration of the supplements promoting ‘funny-bone growth.’

My youngest, Noah, whose funny bone has also been affected by the prenatal vitamins, has since put a container by the mailbox. He considers these kinds of displays to be a ‘public viewing’ and will gladly accept donations, in lieu of flowers, from anyone wishing to give their two-cents.

 “Very Bad Dog” eventually came home. Christian has recovered and has only a few scars to mark his heroic efforts. The Rose of Sharon will be replanted elsewhere, perhaps as a memorial to the epic battle. Donations keep coming in and my funny bone continues to grow and mutate.