The Monsters Under My Bed

I recently was asked by my painter/writer friend, Carrie Jacobson, “What inspires you?” My simple answer to that is, “Change.” It could be of the best change, or a small thing, or perhaps a devastating circumstance that knocked me down and consumed me much like a lioness preys upon a gazelle.

There was a time in my life where I was stuck, afraid to make changes, willing to accept the day to day routine even though it was of no benefit to my well being. Rather than come in from the blizzard and change my outfit to better weather the raging elements, I stood still, in that frozen landscape, and questioned why it was snowing. As if I had any input on that. I’m not sure if it was a lack of courage, perhaps afraid to live with anything that would be different or if it simply became comfortable – even in its destructive ways.

Change can take the form of the monsters under the bed (or whatever happened to reside in my closet) that frightened me when I was four-years-old and truly believed the demons were going to burn down Barbie’s house, steal her car, and laugh at me when I cried for Barbie’s demise. I thank my father for the ‘Monster Repellent’ and my mother for leaving the light on.

For some time now I have taken inventory and have gotten rid of what doesn’t look good on me. Things that are so tightly fitted that they had choked the life out of me. Things that were hanging so loosely, that if I didn’t cinch them up, I feared I would walk right out of them and leave a rumpled mess – forgotten on the floor.

How this relates to what I find inspiring? Cleaning out the cobwebs that had been left by self-destructive thinking has allowed me to make some pretty fantastic, if not awesome, changes. I have realized that I am not in control of anything except for me, and how I choose to handle situations. When there is something I cannot change I find the courage to adjust my perspective and hope to imagine it differently.

I, now, experience my life through all of my senses, freshly tuned, and they are ready to report back to my emotional self. I take time to listen closely. I see with clarity and sharpness. I try to speak my mind with care, but confess this is still a work in progress.

I am also inspired by changes made by the people I most care about and love. While that may be difficult (because it’s scary) for them, as long as their changing moves to bring them to a place where they no longer have to sleep with the light on, then it’s a good thing.

So, many things inspire me, from what I hear each day, to seeing what is right in front of me, to feeling for others…be it happy or sad. Some of these insights nudge me long enough, and with great passion, that in order for me to silence them I set them free with my pencil on paper.