The Good Lord Will Take It Away

It’s been a quiet week here at Carten Manor. Almost too quiet. As I sit here at my keyboard there are no major winter storms in the forecast. I’m not sure I’ll know what to do with myself if I don’t have any snow to shovel. It’s been a long time since we had an entire week without the threat of another winter storm looming over us.

As a member of the Board of Finance I got a look, last evening, at what Old Man Winter’s tomfoolery has cost our community to date. It’s not nearly as pretty as the mounds of fluffy white snow that are engulfing our town. However, as with all things, we will somehow manage to get through this. After all, winter can’t go on forever.

When I was growing up in the 1940s and ‘50s, Bridgeport, Connecticut had a feisty old mayor by the name of Jasper McLevy. Mayor McLevy was a Socialist and, as such, was someone you either loved or hated... there was no in-between. During his many terms he was the subject of quite a few heated discussions in places like The Windmill, The Brass Rail and other watering-holes around The Park City.

There was, however, one incident that always stuck out in my mind because it so perfectly defined the mayor’s character. A wild blizzard hit Bridgeport in the winter of 1947, dumping snow measured in feet not inches. When accosted by a reporter about the abysmal condition of the streets throughout the city, old Jasper looked him straight in the eye and said, "The good Lord brought it and the good Lord will take it away." This statement became the next day’s "Bridgeport Post" headline and forever went down as one of the most memorable quotes in the history of a city noted for great quotes. I wonder how many politicians would have the guts to say something like that today?

Of course Mayor McLevy was proved to be right in the long run. In a few weeks all traces of the blizzard had disappeared and Bridgeport went back to arguing the relative merits of the curmudgeonly old Socialist while I still quote him quite often when Kathy suggests I clear the snow off the back deck or our roof.

Speaking of our roof, all this snow has taught me several new ways to multi-task. You remember muti-tasking don’t you? That was the catch phrase of the ‘90s that led you to believe you were not being productive if you weren’t doing at least two things at the same time. In my case it usually meant that I could mess up twice as much at one time as I could before. In any case, if done correctly multi-tasking can be a great time saver. As an example, the other evening I discovered that I could sit at our dining-room table, eat dinner and take a shower all at the same time. Anyone can see what a great time saver this could be with, I fear, the possible exception of Kathy. For some reason she became quite perturbed about my new discovery and kept pointing toward the spot in the ceiling where the water was coming out while making deep guttural noises that sounded something like, "Make it stop, make it stop!"

I discovered another opportunity for multi-tasking about a week ago while clearing our front walk with my snow-blower. Much to my surprise I stumbled upon a way to clear snow and take down my Christmas lights all at one time. I’m not sure whether or not this idea will catch on or not, since the time it took to cut the strings of lights from the innards of my snow-blower seemed to negate any advantage that may be derived from practicing this technique. Still, it may be something worth pursuing if the snow ever melts off our shrubs to the point where I can find what’s left of our lights again.

I stumbled upon another great time and money saver last week while getting into bed. I noticed a squishing feeling between my toes as I stepped onto our bedroom carpet. Soon I was discovering what a great job my wet-vac does in cleaning a carpet while pulling water out. Not only did I eventually end up with a dry rug but a very clean one as well. Perhaps the next time I won’t have to wait until one in the morning while my beloved is curled up in a fetal position under the covers.

It was suggested, by a committee consisting of Kathy, that I do something to correct this state of affairs besides checking off the days until Spring on the calendar. With this mandate in mind I found myself hanging by my teeth off our gutters, three stories up, with an ice-pick in one hand and a hairdryer in the other. While quietly humming "Alice’s Restaurant" I diligently chipped and melted, hammered and chipped some more, until at last I saw sparkling water running down our drains. This seems to have solved the problem for the time being. Now I only have to distract Kathy from looking up at spots on our ceiling until warm weather sets in. This won’t be too hard since, as I mentioned a week or so ago, she spends hours on end just staring at travel brochures while singing "Far Away Places" quietly to herself.

So you see there is always a bright side to every event, no matter how dismal it may seem at the time. All that is needed is a positive outlook and a full pitcher of Bloody Marys in the fridge. My personal recommendation is empty the pitcher first and then work on your outlook. Things will seem much rosier that way.

So that’s the news from Carten Manor, where all the women are strong, the men good looking and all the cats are tired of winter.