The Truth About Family Caregiving

The latest study by AARP and the National Association of Caregivers revealed that there are more than 48,000,000 million family caregivers in the United States. An increase of 5,000,000 caregivers over the past 5 years, and the number continues to grow. It’s not uncommon to hear people say that because of the change in our economy, with most households requiring 2 earners to meet expenses and the related fact that women have left home to join the workforce as the second wage earners, the family has disintegrated. Grandma or Grandpa can’t come to live with their daughters because the daughters are at work. Older adults go to nursing homes when they are no longer fully independent. But this just isn’t accurate.

Despite the fact that ” stay at home mom” is a thing of the past for most families, most older adults needing help with care aren’t moving into nursing homes. Most are at home being cared for, primarily by families, and supplemented with help from in-home care programs. The second wage earner works all day and at the end of the day attends to the care needs of a parent, or 2 parents. Although men are increasingly involved in meeting the care needs of parents, the responsibility still falls to women in most cases. The potential for creating a burden on the caregiver is great when she or he has to meet the demands of a job and also meet the needs of a parent or a spouse. Caregiver compassion fatigue can be a consequence. The caregivers just don’t have anything left to give. They become burned out. No matter how much one loves his/her parent, and how much they want to be good caregivers, the unrelieved grind wears them out.

What can be done to help prevent compassion fatigue? Firstly, caregivers need rest, a break from the everyday demands. Hopefully there’s more family than just the caregiver and a good place to start is communicating the need for some help to other family members. A specific request for help with a specific task or just some time, so the caregiver can take a break without worrying about Mom or Dad.

Even if there is other family who can be called upon to provide brief respite, the family should also seek out professional help. For middle and low- income older adults there are programs that can help a family obtain professional in-home assistance. Sometimes there are tasks that are too difficult for the family caregiver to perform unassisted. Safely bathing an older adult is one that many families struggle with, for example. Sometimes, adding a companion to spend a few hours per day while the caregiver is at work can provide peace of mind for the caregiver. Even if the older adult has resources greater than permitted in some benefit programs, it is worth the price of using some of those resources to add a few hours of professional in-home care to ensure the family caregiver gets a break from 24/7 responsibility.

Getting involved in a caregiver support group is another thing that caregivers report helps a lot. Having the support of others going through the same thing enables a caregiver to share their feelings and get some relief from the stress their feelings reveal. Support groups often are great places to learn from the experiences of others who have been in similar situations.

If you are a caregiver or, you love someone who is a caregiver and you’re concerned about them, investigate programs that can help. The Agency on Aging has caregiver support (at no cost) to provide information about programs and perhaps even assist in providing in-home services to qualified older adults. 203 785 8533.