Conspiracy Theory

I have come to the conclusion that my GPS is trying to kill me. The last three times I have used it, it has sent me on scary detours through scary looking parts of cities I don’t know.

It all started last year, I was taking a course in Hartford and the GPS took me there by the same route every day, however, when I was going home, the thing took on a mind of its own. Every night it took me a different route, each one scarier than the last. I saw burned out cars, people fighting and police conducting what I can only assume was a raid. Now this is not one of those fancy GPS units that updates traffic conditions and will adjust the route to avoid jams etc. so it’s not like that was the reason for the crazy game of “ride home roulette”.

This year we took our kids to Hilton Head over April vacation and on the really, really long ride home, my husband was taking his turn at the wheel. I woke up to see we were driving through the center of Washington DC. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see all the monuments lit up at night, but not when I want to go home and I definitely don’t need to see a closeup of some scary neighborhoods trying to find our way back to the highway. I asked my husband why he left the highway and took the detour at 2 a.m…apparently the GPS told him to do it, and he trusted it.

Once upon a time we used to take our road trips the old-fashioned way; he would drive and I would be the co-pilot armed with a map or two. We rarely got lost and if we did, I had no problem stopping and asking for help. But we got lazy; we bought a GPS unit and placed way too much trust in it. If it told us to leave the highway, we believed it. That is, until last night–it was the final straw!

Our oldest daughter is spending a few weeks over in England and Scotland, her flight was leaving Newark airport early this morning so we left the house at 3 a.m. We have gone to this airport countless times, but this time I wanted to go via the Tapanzee Bridge as the George Washington Bridge is notorious for traffic jams.

It was all going well till the GPS told me to get off the Garden State Parkway onto a minor road, which was not too bad either…for about five minutes when we entered the “Twilight Zone”. It was 4 a.m. and at every red light, I stopped terrified–there were people skulking in the shadows of the boarded up buildings and at that time of night, I’m pretty sure they were not waiting for a bus!

We eventually made it to the airport and got our daughter checked in for her flight. On the way out of the parking lot, I tossed the GPS in the glove box and decided to trust my reading skills. That’s right, I followed the road signs. It meant I had to pay attention instead of going on auto pilot, but it worked. I found my way back to the Tapanzee Bridge, no problem.

So I’m in the market for a new GPS, one with an “Avoid Ghetto” option and one that won’t get an attitude and start yelling “Recalculating” when I decide to follow my instincts and not get off the highway when it tells me to!