Meatless Monday; Travel Tips!

On Monday I am leaving for Scotland for a quick trip home to see my family. Travel can be stressful, all the planning and preparation. I have spent the last few days making lists for my husband and kids to ignore, and filling the refrigerator with food they won’t eat. I’m gone for 9 days; you will see them out and about at the various restaurants through town.

If you are thinking about traveling this year, here are some important tips;

In Thailand don’t forget your tidy whities; it is still illegal to go commando when leaving your house and you can’t drive your car if you’re not wearing a shirt. I wonder what the fine is if you are shirtless and without undies?

If you are thinking about renting a car in Denmark, it’s the law to check under your car for children who may be sleeping there before you start the engine. If you forget and get arrested, it’s not the end of your vacation; it’s not against the law to escape from prison.

If you are heading to Switzerland you have to plan everything to a time schedule. Everything. It’s against the law to flush the toilet in an apartment building after 10pm. The law is supposed to stop noise pollution….but for the people caught short I’m sure they have smell pollution in their apartment until morning.

So maybe it’s safer to stay in the US? Just be careful if you want to indulge in a cocktail or two; in St Louis you can’t drink beer while sitting on a city street, but in Chicago you can be arrested for drinking standing up anywhere in the city. Got that?  And whatever you do, don’t ask for your wine in a teacup in Topeka Kansas, it’s not just weird, it’s illegal. The Canadians make their priorities clear; it’s against the law to drink water in bars in Saskatchewan.

There are a lot of interesting things to do whilst traveling, but you might want to bring old clothes and protective gear if you plan on participating in some of these festivals – In Spain there’s the Tomatino Festival where you can get pelted with ripe tomatoes, in Greece on Clean Monday they throw flour at each other and in Italy they mean business, lobbing oranges at each other. I bet sales in laundry detergent rocket after these oversized food fights.

Finally a word of warning about bringing back unique souvenirs, bringing back wildlife is a no-no; a woman in Stockholm Sweden roused suspicion when she kept scratching her chest. Customs officers found 75 snakes in her bra. I wonder what Samuel L Jackson would say about that? A man passing through LA airport let the cat out of the bag about his smuggling when two exotic birds escaped from his suitcase and started flying around the terminal. He then fessed up to the monkeys in his pants….was he wearing MC Hammer’s pants? How do you fit monkeys in your pants? A young woman was maybe channeling Lady Gaga when she put her chameleon on her head during a flight from Dubai to Manchester England. Being a chameleon it changed into the same color as her hair but ultimately gave itself away when fellow passengers saw its tongue flicking in and out.

I’m only going to Scotland; I grew up there so I think I know what the laws are and the only thing we hurl at each other are insults.  The only souvenirs I am planning on bringing back are chocolate. And maybe a bottle of Scotch.