What Age is Appropriate to Discuss the Birds and the Bees?

The day comes to all of us, as parents, when our children hit us with "Where do babies come from?" and questions about the “S” word. Yes, I mean SEX!

This can be a controversial subject for parents and kids. One of the hardest things to overcome is probably the reality when it becomes a question from your child, but there is also a slight embarrassment involved on both sides for some families. I personally believe that the job belongs to mom and dad, given the approach that this is about life, it’s not silly, and maturity of the body is a fact of life.

Most girls begin to mature early these days, with body changes happening around the age of 10 or 11. It seems that boys start a little later with prepubescent years, around the age of 12 or 13. There is no definitive age for these changes, but parents need to be ready for it all.

In the later part of 5th grade, the children in some local school systems are put together by gender and have a Q&A with the school nurse. They are given a little packet that includes a pamphlet describing hygiene, including deodorant and feminine products for the girls, which include coupons to purchase hygiene items.  A note comes home from the school nurse prior to the ‘talk’ for parental permission.

For some kids, this is premature and it can be a silly experience, others take it with a grain of salt and bring their questions to the nurse as well as bringing the information home to discuss with parents.

I think that talking to your kids is a parental prerogative, but I also believe that if your child isn’t spoken to about body parts and their correct names from an early age, they will find this awkward. My husband and I never spoke 'baby talk' to or around our children and we didn’t mince words like 'pee pee' for 'penis' or a funny name for breasts or other body parts.

My two oldest boys handled the talk at school very maturely and brought home their questions. My daughter said, “Mom, some of the girls were so silly; they giggled and blushed and asked silly questions.”

I addressed her questions, brought her up to my bathroom, and shared my knowledge as a woman with her. I introduced her to a variety of feminine products and, without getting into too much detail, described menstruation, its purpose and, in my own, way spoke to her about how babies are made. She thought it was gross! I took her to the library and got her a book that was age-appropriate and highly recommended by other moms who have older daughters.

The book is entitled The Care and Keeping of You-The Body Book for Girls. It’s available for about $10 online, and can also be found at major book stores. There is an entire series and collection of these books by American Girl, as well as an interactive journal called The Care and Keeping of You, that is sensitive and includes a log for your daughter to keep track of her periods, a mood recorder, tips and quizzes, and a checklist for girls to keep in touch with the changes in their bodies.

When the time came for my youngest to have the talk at school last year, it was very smooth, especially having been around his older siblings.

There are also books out there for boys when it comes to maturity and the subject. One of the most highly recommended ones, The What’s Happening To My Body? A Growing Up Guide for Parents and Sons, is also available online and in stores. This book has several chapters that include puberty, the stages of puberty, male and female sex organs, growth spurts, pimples and acne, as well as perspiration, body hair and shaving. It goes on to so much more.

When I was growing up, this was a taboo subject that was never discussed until a body change happened and most kids weren’t prepared and educated about it. This sensitive subject affects all of us as parents differently and our kids, as well. Here’s hoping that this subject matter gets the attention it deserves and that our kids aren’t learning it all through conversation and misinterpretation from their peers instead of in all the right places.