Blog: Facts, Figures, Percentages, Confessions and Outright Lies

A recent study, performed by me and my crack research staff have uncovered that 53.6% of studies about percentages are mostly lies. Or was it 56.3%?  Either way, I made it up, or perhaps not. So what studies have I actually researched? Well, here's one for you. I recently took to the roads and lanes of this fine town( North Haven, we only think we're a small New England Village)and as I drove around, pen and pad in hand, I counted the amount of Buicks driving around.

Now, because of my past life as a police dispatcher, I can remember plates and everything else about the cars I see and so I made detailed notes and decided to make up a study. In the town of North Haven(come see our skate punks!)there are approximately 57 Buicks, ranging in model years from 1994-2005, in all sorts of colors and models as well. And out of these 57 Buicks, 32 of them were being driven by people who appeared to be over 65 years of age.

So what does this mean? Well, nothing really. I mean, I'm sure that the seniors of this fine town(2nd only to Florida for people 65 or over)drive other cars, why, just the other day I saw a small little senior driving a 2010 Mustang, but at the same time I witnessed a 40 something woman driving a huge Caddy that you would expect someone with a straw hat and a white belt would drive, so what do I know?

This town is filled with all sorts of great things to study, research and write about. But since I am lazy by nature, I've decided to make some things up, and yes some are true, so gather the family around the ol reading lamp, call in mom from the kitchen and see if you or Grandpa Joe can spot the facts from the lies.

1)Underneath I-91, just south of the Fairgrounds, there is a whole underground civilization of small toad like people who live in the tunnels that run under the highway, the Fairgrounds and the Holiday Inn. Some of these toad people have even made their way to the surface and have even run for political office.

2)Behind the former Mill Road Elementary School, by the railroad tracks in the woods exists a small area that was once used as a sight for hazings, executions and animal experimentation.

3) The town of North Haven seal is not what you think it is. The towns forefathers had trouble explaining just what they wanted, so the designer of the seal,Humbolt G Montowese looked out his back window and came up with the seal we have now, a beaver sitting on a brick.

4)There are a total of 27 empty store fronts in town. But don't worry, the town's economic development manager has high hopes. Four more Dunkin Donuts, three more dollar stores and yet no real bakeries so I don't have to go to New Haven just to get stuffed breads

Now, I have many other facts and figures but I have a doctors appointment and truth be told, I've lost interest in writing anymore today.  So there you go North Haven( home to the slowest Dunkin in the North East-136 Washington)go out and find some facts for yourself.

Also, I can be followed on Twitter. . don't know what the stupid address is but look up my name, and follow me. I am much funnier when I have less to write.  So, enjoy the rest of your day and keep an eye out for the toad people