How To Communicate The Need For In-Home Care (Part II of Ten Signs Your Loved One Needs Homecare Assistance)

Life as you knew it is no longer “as usual.”  You’ve identified one or more reasons why your mom or dad or other family member is in need of homecare assistance. It’s a life-changing decision for everyone involved. It’s mentally taxing, and emotionally draining. How do you discuss the subject?  How do you have the conversation that will force loved ones to confront their own age-related shortcomings? 

Sensitivity, respect, compassion and a positive approach are paramount when broaching the subject.  Assuming that their mental capabilities are up to the task, your loved ones must feel that their opinions are valid and being considered.  

10 Basic Tips and Facts for discussing the option of homecare with your loved one: 

 # The decision is ultimately their own. Focus on your loved one during discussions and keep him/her involved. Keep in mind at all times that the decision ultimately must be made by your loved one, and he/she should be a central part of every discussion.

 # Engage the entire family.  Consider setting up a family meeting involving everyone who may be affected directly to discuss and align your thoughts and concerns. Family meetings should be supportive, and everyone who takes part must recognize and value the opinion and desires of the individual needing assistance. 

# Be respectful.  Voice your opinions and concerns using “I” statements. Never blame others or use “You” statements. Be assertive but understanding. While your position is critically important for your loved one’s well-being, listen and acknowledge his/her wishes, desires and points of view.  

# Be patient. Don’t try to accomplish too much in one discussion. Keep in mind that it may take some time and multiple conversations to come to a consensus.

# Stay positive. Following the initial conversation with your loved one, remember to keep all discussions encouraging and supportive.  If the individual has the mental capacity to make the decision on his own, then he must do so. It is your responsibility to demonstrate your concern, not to make decisions for him.

 # Be honest and straight forward. Define a clear topic for each discussion. Be specific about the reasons you are concerned. Demonstrate why you believe your loved one’s health or safety is at risk, then push the discussion forward.

 # Involve others. Eventually, most elderly people realize they can’t care for themselves as well as they used to be able to. Use community resources like “Meals on Wheels” or a free consultation with a homecare agency to help your loved one ease into the homecare process.

 # Engage professional opinion. If you meet with continued resistance, it can help to gently suggest an appointment with a physician (or geriatric psychologist) for a thorough evaluation.  Seeing a doctor and getting a professional, less-biased opinion, or even a casual conversation with a member of the clergy could potentially make the decision easier for your loved one.

 # Maintain their dignity. When meeting with resistance, don’t push loved ones into meetings or situations that they are uncomfortable with. Continued resistance requires more assertiveness on your part, but make sure to communicate that you recognize their objections, and are only insisting on a particular course of action because you care about them, and are concerned about their well-being.

About Visiting Angels

Visiting Angels has more than 450 locations nationwide, with nine offices located throughout Connecticut. George Germano is the Director of Visiting Angels for Greater New Haven County, serving Woodbridge, Orange, Bethany, Cheshire, Milford, WestHaven, NewHaven, North Haven, EastHaven , Branford, Hamden, Prospect, Ansonia, and Seymour. Working closely with each client, and making every effort to match personalities and compatibility with your loved one, Visiting Angels creates a personalized Individual Care Plan customized to your specific needs.  Only  then are the most qualified, experienced, and nurturing caregivers introduced to you, allowing you to interview and select the individual that best fits your life style. 

For more information about all Visiting Angels services, visit www.VisitingAngels.com. To speak with your local office, call George Germano at 203-298-9700.