If Woulda Beens and Coulda Beens Were Candy; Or The Woman In The Caddy

“How would your life be different if you learned to let go of things that have already let go of you? From relationships long gone, to old grudges, to regrets, to all the 'could’ve' and 'should’ve,' to the dead friendships you still hang on to... Free yourself from the burden of a past you cannot change.”
― Steve Maraboli

I found this quote many years ago, or perhaps I dreamed I read it. None the less, it got me thinking. It got me thinking of all the turns I made, good or bad. It got me questioning all my decisions. And I decided i would not look at any of them. I am who I am but I wondered, "what about other people"  those lives I touched, celebrated, destroyed or ended? What of them?  Here is a story. And like all my stories it might be true, might be just a story or might have some truth-like elements in it. Well. . this is one of those stories, one that could be true and might as well have been.

I knew and loved a woman many eons ago, when life was not any easier, life was just life.  This woman had many dreams, many hopes and many beliefs. And I believed in her dreams and in her hopes and even her love of the Red Sox.  Ah yes, life was good.  But sadly, The Woman in The Caddy could not love herself, so out of desperation perhaps or just plain sadness she married Wally Wallet. Ah yes, Wally. What can I say about Wally?  Well, for one he hated women, felt they deserved nothing. He also hated music. I mean, really?  Everyone like some sort of music, hell, some people even like ragtime!  But Wally was not a man who enjoyed things or life. And because of his own issues with life and who knows, maybe his parents, Wally felt the only way to control his own issues was to prevent The Woman in The Caddy from ever finding true happiness.  Sadly she is still with Wally because as it turns out, she loved nothing better than living a life filled with money and no one to love. IT is sad, right?  Of course I actually don't know if she is still filled with money and no love, but that was the direction she had pointed herself.  And the regret I have about her?  That she won't ever be truly happy.  So what do we do?

We sit there some days and we see the big house, the giant SUVs, the manicured lawns and wonder if that should have been ours.  Very few of us can go back in time, this is not the world of Star Trek, but we do have our memories, we have our thoughts, we think about many things in  a lifetime and hopefully we can hold on to our reality and make it ours and accept it, without any regrets.

Ok, now. . . .since I've been away from the world of blogs a few things have gone. First of, my mother passed back in March of 2013. A more amazing woman never lived as far as I was concerned, but I said all I had to say about my mother and the world of blogging is not a place to air out my grief. Simply put, if you knew Sandra Sandagata, you know what I'm talking about.

And secondly, a good friend passed also in 2013.  There have been many great police officers in North Haven, but none like Albert Roan. Al was a master at martial arts, was a master at life, was loved by all who knew him.
I loved talking to Albert every morning when he came into work. We laughed and joked and hearing his laugh, seeing him with those darn sunglasses on. . .Albert will be missed, I'm sorry I got to talk about him so late, but there you go.  Albert was a quotable man who once sat down next to me and out of the clear blue sky said 
"If you allow yourself to be taken in by the duplicitous nature of this administration then you are no better than they are."    It was classic Al, there were few men as strong in character and values as Albert. 

So there we go. . . just a few things off the top of my head. 
And what about you?  What do you regret?