State Education Dept. Speaks to Parents About Bullying

"If it's mean, intervene."

This is the slogan of the Connecticut Sate Department of Education when it comes to preventing bullying and other forms of school-age emotional and physical abuse.

Jo Ann Friedberg of the Education Department stopped by Wednesday to speak to a crowd of concerned parents, teachers and administrators about the efforts of the department to nip bullying in the bud.

She encouraged open lines of communication between parents and school officials.

"They know how to take that information and keep children safe," Friedberg said. "And it's very important that parents know we follow up on everything."

Parents are often concerned when they report an incident and do not see any consequences, she said, but schools are tied by the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act and do not release that information.

She assured parents that every incident has its consequences.

"Children are taught that there are consequences, but there is a large range of them," Friedberg said, "from a simple conversation to counseling behavior and management programs to suspension and expulsion."

The concern over bullying has grown in the last few months as the result of teen suicides allegedly rooted in bullying – young boys are more likely to keep quiet if they are being troubled at school, allowing the problem to get worse.

"We live in a culture that counsels boys not to share things at an early age," Friedberg said.

She also made a demonstration of another cultural trend: "No one is raising a bully."

"How many of you are parents?" she asked to an almost unanimous sea of raised hands.

But when asked, "How many of you are raising a bully?" not a single hand went up. Friedberg said this happens most everywhere she goes.

When asked whose child is "occasionally mean," a few more hands went up.

Friedberg suggests bullying may be too strong a word for the everyday mean-spirited nature of children. Although she said it would be wrong to dismiss this behavior, she feels a distinction should be made between smaller and more serious cases when it comes to the use of that word, particularly for the reason that parents don't want to identify with raising a bully.

"It all seems to come down to the Golden Rule," said parent Mary Dougherty. "And children aren't always seeing that everywhere they look. Television shows especially tend to have a lot of relational aggression."

Mostly, Friedberg wanted to ensure parents of open lines of communication and partnerships between parents, teachers and students.

"There's not one thing that's going to solve this problem," she said. "But we have to remember, we're partners here."