“Cheer up!” we say to a loved one who’s feeling down but are we doing any good?
Well, yes if you’re talking to someone who’s just had a bad day but no if you’re talking to someone who’s seriously depressed.
Depression can range from a modest ‘feeling kind of blue’ (www.feelingkindablue. ning.com) or swing to the more serious unipolar and bipolar states of depression. Unfortunately, it is impossible for someone who’s depressed to “pull themselves up by the bootstraps” or just “suck it up.” Depression is real and it’s debilitating to concentration, focus and sleep.
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The most important thing you can do is to help your loved one get diagnosed professionally. Nowadays, depression can be treated if diagnosed.
Dr. Adam Kaplin, an associate professor in the departments of psychiatry and neurology at Johns Hopkins University, says, “it's not just your words, but your actions that can be the most supportive.”
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After that, your loved one needs your emotional support. You can help by pointing out realities and offering hope. And you can remind your loved one that with time and treatment, the depression will lift.
Listen. An affirming, “That must be difficult” lets them know that you understand they are having a hard time and that their suffering is real. You don’t want to say, “I know,” because unless you’ve suffered from depression yourself you really don’t know.
Invite your depressed loved one out for mini-vacations. A movie, a ballgame, a walk, and other activities, never insisting, of course, that they are obligated to go.
Surprisingly, depression is not a normal part of aging. Despite the fact that they have more illnesses or physical problems, most seniors feel satisfied with their lives. They may, however, have medical conditions such as heart disease, stroke, or cancer, which may cause depressive symptoms. Or they may be taking medications with side effects that contribute to depression. Happily, most older adults improve when they receive treatment with antidepressants, psychotherapy, or a combination of the two.
Don’t forget that you are not a professional and never ignore comments about suicide. Report any mention of suicide immediately to your loved one’s therapist or doctor.
But what if it’s you who’s got the blues?
Try to be active and exercise. Go to a movie, take a walk in the country, or another event or activity that you usually enjoy. Needing a break a few days ago, I went to the multiplex in Danbury and saw two movies, one right after the other, Liam Neeson in Non-Stop and Eva Green in 300: Birth of an Empire. Then I came back to reality and the problems at hand.
If your depression is serious, get diagnosed as quickly as possible. Research shows the longer you wait, the greater the impairment can be down the road.
Continue to educate yourself about depression. The National Institute of Health has loads of information online as a start.
Norma Nixon Schofield
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