Rescuing our children

I was again reminded recently of how much I try to rescue and fix our sons’ problems, even though they are grown men. One of them shared a challenge he was having, and did not ask me for advice. He simply wanted an ear. I, however, saw that he was heading for a potential mistake. Rather than just listening, I shared my opinion of what might happen if he made the choice he was planning to make. He did a great job of shutting the conversation down.

As Jane Nelsen, the founder of Positive Discipline says, “Mistakes are a wonderful opportunity to learn!”

I am constantly reminded of how much I still need to learn! I wanted to save him from pain, so in the name of love, I interfered. It is so hard to let go, and let our children learn from their mistakes!

As we each think back to how we learn best, is it by listening to what our parents (and others) told us to do? Or, do we learn more from doing things, sometimes making mistakes, and having to then problem solve?

Fortunately, we have built a good enough relationship that he continues to reach out and talk to me. He continues to share challenges. I physically hold my lips shut with my hand, to keep myself from jumping in and rescuing him.

It is hard to change the way we have always done things. It is worth the effort! The outcome is that our children will learn to solve their own problems. They will become resilient, and bounce back from mistakes. They will be independent and self reliant. And we as adults learn how to be better listeners.

If you would like to learn more about Positive Discipline, which helps build connections and relationships, and how to raise respectful, resourceful and responsible children, check out our class schedule.

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