This morning I was thinking about what I should talk about this week and the first thing that came to mind, was time. It doesn’t matter how long it has been since your loved one has passed, in a heartbeat you can be back in that moment. This happened to me the other day, while I was prepping for my new blog talk radio spot Moving Forward by doing research on twins. Specifically, my father had mentioned looking up twin conferences and that led me to a page on twin-less twins. I have to say, once I clicked on that link and ventured into that site, I was brought back to when my twin passed over in 2005. There was a simple comment, “Born a twin, always a twin.” Immediately, I was back in that moment, reliving the conversation with my mother and then at the funeral home looking at his lifeless body.
After a few minutes, I recovered, but it reminded me again how there is no time limit on loss. I had an interview yesterday for a newspaper article on Running With Vince. RWV is a book I wrote inspired by my twin’s personality and the relationship we shared together. The interviewer asked how I was dealing with the loss after all these years. I thought for a moment and told him I was fine. For me, I have been able to move on in my life. I am at a place where I can focus on the positive moments we shared together and feel blessed for the time we spent as twins in a physical sense. The key though, is that even though I am fine, and have been able to redefine myself, there are still triggers that bring up that loss.
It is important to stress, because these moments will continue to come. At those times, we need to take a step back and honor the experience. There is nothing wrong with grieving and for remembering our loved ones. Why else would we have national holidays for such things? Why have monuments, grave sites, and tombstones? The idea is to continue to have a place in our hearts for those that impacted us the most through the years, and helped us on our life journeys.
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At some point in the coming days, weeks, months, or years, this will happen to you. An event will occur that will remind you of your loss. Please embrace the moment, be thankful for the memory, and know that reliving that trying time is not a bad thing, but a reminder of all the love that you shared with that person.
