I have spoken with many people through the years about the healing process. What I always refer back to is timing. Whether it is a social norm or self-preservation, there is this desire to move on quickly and promptly from any loss. I wonder what growth occurs when we are in haste. We have to process the impact, the change in our lives, and to put a time limit on that only makes the pain more difficult because it is cast aside and discarded for a later date. With this understanding, certainly some are handicapped by their loss, immobilized if you will, and it seems impossible to do anything more than for a moment at a time. I think that is okay. It has to be, because when the time is right, you will be able to look farther ahead and will be able to put in better perspective those you have lost and what that means.
Redefining who we are when some people have been such a big part of our world is daunting. To those of you that wonder how long you should be experiencing the healing process, the correct answer is as long as it takes. That might mean a lifetime or a matter of weeks. Just remember to embrace the feelings, the thoughts, and the moments that bring you back to happier times. Those are imperative for embracing the love that is still present. Likewise, when you feel it is right, reflect on the other emotions present like sadness, anger, and resentment. When you feel this is a place you no longer need to feel or be present in, shift back to the feelings that serve the most and commemorate the memory of your loved ones. This will allow you that movement forward.
