On Fearing Death

Colon cancer is the 2nd leading cause of death in the U.S. yet as many as 60% of deaths could be prevented if everyone were screened regularly. 1 in 20 people are diagnosed with colon cancer and the American Cancer Society estimated that 130,180 people will be diagnosed in 2014 and 50,310 will die.

My aunt was 40 years old when she was diagnosed. They suggest you get screened at age 50. How could this happen?

After my aunt was originally diagnosed in 2010 there weren’t many options. It was either an intensive and aggressive surgery to remove most of her intestines and bladder or a death sentence. The surgery itself was a huge risk and the possibility of her not making it through was real.

I flew down to Florida a couple of weeks before the surgery to enjoy our last moments of normalcy with Michele. It was so difficult to not think about the surgery. I was so afraid. In some ways it felt like saying goodbye, just in case. But i’ll never forget that very special time of just being with Michele and Lisa. We have an incredible bond and we there for each other. In it together.

Michele went into surgery early in the morning and the procedure lasted all day. Yes, all day. It was so excruciating to be waiting, wondering if everything was going okay. Some of us tried napping to pass the time, playing on iPads, trying to keep our minds occupied.

It was the biggest relief when it was finally over. The doctors found more cancer in her fallopian tubes but assured us they got everything they saw.

This was the first time in my life I understood the frailty of living. Ever since then, the threat of death has been difficult for me to handle. More so now with the most recent diagnosis. I share everything my aunt. Everything – she’s my confidant, best friend, everything. I was nervous to tell her about my fear of death because after all who am I to feel this way when she is the one experiencing cancer. When I confided in her, do you know what she said? She said “I don’t fear death” with such confidence and assurance. “You don’t fear death?,” I thought. She said when her time comes she’ll die happy with no regrets. She joked and said God put her on this Earth to “annoy the hell out of everyone.” She told me she’s so proud of how she raised Lisa and I and for all of our accomplishments. She knows we were brought up well and will live our lives in her likeness.

Her words really struck me and did truly make me feel better. I don’t want to have any regrets in life. I want to live my life to it’s fullest, experience the world and honor her in all I do. People often ask me how I became so committed to helping others and the reason is 100% Michele. She has ALWAYS been so giving, way before any diagnosis. She’d give Lisa and I anything we needed and made so many sacrifices to make sure we lived comfortably, even in the hardest times.

For all that she’s given me and those around her it’s time that we give to her. I strongly ask that you consider making a contribution in any way you can. Whether that’s a donation of any size or a birthday message for her. Another way to honor her and the millions of other people out there experiencing cancer is to be proactive in your health. Be well, take preventative action, get screened.