These guidelines on sibling harmony are a continuation of a previous post called "Sibling Conflict - Don't Nag and Don't Give Up!"
5. Use the reward of your attention to FREQUENTLY (several times each day). Praise the kids when they are getting along. Every time they are in the back of the car without arguing or watching a TV show together or just hanging out in the back yard, use effective praise, "Nice job watching TV together so quietly!" delivered enthusiastically, in close proximity with a high five and happy voice.
The more you bring attention to sibs getting along, the more of that behavior you will see over the long run. It may feel artificial, but effectively praising the behavior you want is a well researched approach with very positive outcomes. (It sometimes gets worse before it gets better as you diminish your attention for their conflict.)
Here is a reminder about the characteristics of effective praise:
- enthusiastic and warm
- describe behavior specifically and using only positive words (avoid "Nice job not hitting your brother!")
- add visual and physical gestures like high five, mommy dance, thumbs up, smile, hug, ruffle hair, etc.
- be close to child when you give the praise
Remember - you get more of whatever you are paying attention to! This is true for sibling conflict or sibling harmony.
Watch for next post on sibling conflict and please tell us what you are trying with sibs that is working.
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