Siblings fight approximately once every 17 minutes when they are children ("The Sibling Effect" by Jeffrey Kruger), though they still may end up close and connected as adults. Sibling conflict is one of the most common frustrations with which parents struggle. So what can you do to increase sibling harmony in childhood? Following is the first of three posts on this intriguing subject - let's start with these suggestions:
1. Ignore bickering, arguing, and fighting unless there may be harm to a person or things. (This may be your most challenging step.)
2. Always treat them like a team. If there is a safety concern, separate them for a few minutes and let them know that after they take some time apart you are confident they will be able to remain safe (whether you feel that way or not.) Amazingly these kids who just wanted to kill each other, may not want to be separated! Popcorn spilled in the TV room? Let them know you will turn the TV back on when the popcorn is picked up. Leave the room. Don't try to figure out who did it - who started it - or whatever. (It started long ago when the second one arrived to steal away parents' attention!)
3. Avoid lecturing and advising. This is what one parent calls my very effective "duct tape over the mouth" method of parenting.
4. Post #3 all around your house so you remember to keep quiet. Having long talks with the one who seemed to do the harm or with the "victim" or even with both of them really doesn't make things better in the long run. Your attention is a reward. (Post that one around the house too.)
More about using attention to reduce sibling conflict in our next post. As always expect things to get worse before they get better when you stop giving attention for the negative behavior.
What are some approaches that you have used to help kids get along in your household?
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