Parental Rights Rally for Bill No. 77 Brings Hundreds Out in Support of it

Parental Rights Rally for Bill No. 77 Brings Hundreds Out in Support of it

By Joan T. Kloth-Zanard

March 7, 2013

On Saturday, March 2, 2013, a huge rally was held for State Bill No. 77, to establish a presumption of shared custody in a divorce involving minor children.  There were many organizations with networking materials to help families, such Ken Krajewski’s, Save Our Children First and Father’s Without Christmas, John DiBiase of Divorced Men’s Association of CT, Cheryl Martone of US Concerned Parents and myself, Joan T. Kloth-Zanard of PAS Intervention, to name a few.  The rally opened with Ann Baldwin who used to work as a newscaster on Channel 30 and now owns Baldwin Marketing.  When she asked for a raise of hands of those affected by Parental Alienation, nearly everyone in the audience raised their hands.  Before introducing Jerry Mastrangelo, she spoke about our broken family court system, which is a travesty in the devastation it causes to families that are already suffering.

Jerry Mastrangelo has been in a 3-year battle to see his teenage triplets.  It has been overwhelming for his entire side of the family.  His triplets were born premature at 2lbs each, staying in the hospital for over 3 months.  From the way he speaks, one can tell that these children are his life and not having them in it is devastating.  Though there was a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) assigned to his case, he states that this person hurt his relationship more than helped.  He feels that most family attorneys try to prolong the cases so they can obtain more money and that this is not okay, as this money should be spent on the children.  He also mentioned that child support and the many flaws inherent in this errant system.  He went on to explain that there are consequences for not paying child support, such as jail, yet there are no consequences for impeding on visitation, or the relationship between the children and their other parent.  He says it is time to make a lot of noise up in Hartford about the proposed Bill no. 77 and that this is about a fight for the children

Jerry then introduced Senator Len Fasano, the senator that helped to write Bill No. 77.  Fasano spoke about how the system is broken, and that most lawyers and legislators are happily married and having a relationship with their kids.  These legislators do not know anything about Custodial Interference and Parental Alienation, no less about bill No. 77.  He went on about this being our chance to make a difference by contacting our state representatives and senators, to make them aware of this upcoming bill during the next session and public hearing.  He gave the audience instructions on how to do this as he explained that it is time to make a difference.  To do this, victims of Custodial Interference and Parental Alienation, need to come to the hearing and expose their story.  Each person will have 3 minutes to quickly tell why he or she supports the bill and a bit about their own story.  HE says, concentrate on why you support the bill, more than on your story, but the key is to show our support and wake up our representatives, senators and legislators to what is going on with the family courts and interference in a parents custodial rights.

Senator Fasano continued on talking about how he likened the Government to the Titanic and how it is slow to move and make changed, especially after all these years.  He emphasized that we should not get discouraged if Bill No. 77 does not pass this first time through, that we must stay the course and continue to get the word out and fight for our children’s rights.  He spoke about the importance of supporting this bill and getting it passed because it is not just about men or father’s rights, it is a genderless issue.  Senator Fasano reiterated that when this bill is in front of your legislator, it is time to get on the phone and call to make an appointment to speak with them about this bill.  Furthermore, he said, the legislators need to hear their constituents.  It is up to us to speak up and get the word out.

After Senator Fasano, M, a child victim of Parental Alienation (PAS) took the podium to speak.  As a child victim of PAS, her speech was probably the most moving testimony heard. At one point she even broke down in tears.  M spoke of not being able to see herself as a victim because of her husband who has been falsely cut off from his son for 3.5 years.  M herself had been a victim, thus she knows the pain and suffering that a child goes through as a victim of PAS. 

M had always been close to her father, while her sister had always been close to their mother.  They had the traditional visitation schedule of every other weekend and one day during the week.  But back then; her mother was not handling being alone very well.  Her mother would tell M and her sister that their father never fought for them, and had only fought for their family dog.  This hurt her deeply because she knew that her father loved her but her mother was saying otherwise.  M further explained that her mother had her own issues.  Her mother’s boyfriend was physically and mentally abusive and a substance abuser of crack cocaine.  And this just made things even more difficult for her and her sister, but especially her to leave her mother and sister alone.

To this day, M feels like she lost her childhood and became an adult early, having to take care of her mother, who often talked of suicide.  Many times, M’s mother would say to her and sister, “I can’t live without you girls and I am nothing and have nothing without you”.  At age 14, this was a lot for young teen to take on.  Add to this, that because of her mother’s emotional issues and the divorce, M had to begin working at a very young age.  By the time she was 16, she had already been tasked with the job of picking up her mother’s boyfriend fresh out of jail. And though M admits that she could have gone to live with her father, she feared for her mother and sister’s safety due to her mother’s mental health and abusive boyfriend, and so stayed.  As she says it, she could have chosen normal, but had to choose the chaos to be there for her mother and sister.

M eventually found out the truth that her father did fight but because of the broken system and lack of money, he had no choice but to back away.  Even knowing this, she said she still hurt inside probably feeling abandoned to play the adult to early in her life.  And when her father remarried, though she went to the wedding, she walked out angry with him for starting a new life.  To this day, M walking out on her father’s wedding still bothers her. But she also knows that she was internally and emotionally compelled to say some of the most horrific and hurtful things to her father.  And this, in and of it's self, still haunts her today.

Once M’s sister was safely old enough to be on her own, she did go to live with her father.  She rekindled that relationship with him and her new extended family that welcomed her with open arms.  Though she knows that what her mother did was wrong, she still loves her mother, whom she says has changed for the better.  In fact, recently, both her parents attended one of her son’s birthday parties and stood in her small little house in her tiny little living room together with no issue.

M can now look back and see what was going on.  She says she believes she was in preservation mode, and lied to protect her mom.  She realizes now that she sided with the damaged parent because of fear that her mom would have been destroyed if she left. Her experiences have made her realize that in the best interest of the children, random unscheduled checks on families, such as on nights and weekends; to catch parents off guard is important.  She also believes that background checks on new household members (roommates, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.,) would go a long way to making a difference too.  M furthered explained how she feels and knows, that as in her case, unfortunately, parents and children will lie to manipulate the outcomes and to protect the weaker parent.  This helped her to conclude that no matter what, she would still want to have a relationship with both her parents and her siblings.  With all she has been through and seen, she further emphasized that no divorce case should last longer than a year, as it is torture on an already broken parent and fragile child.

After M’s very emotional speech, Louis Keifer, JD, (Jurist Doctorate) got up and spoke about how to fix the system.  Mr. Keifer works with the National Parents Organization, formerly the Father’s and Families Organization.  He brought up 5 statements of how an alienated parent sees and feels their situation. He mentioned the importance of evidence-based medicine format that could and should be applied to family matters.  He spoke about the false statements that aggressive alienating parents make that need to be better investigated.  He spoke of the presumption of earnings based on passed potential that no longer exists but that the courts continue to enforce causing child support paying parents to be financially devastated.  He went on to speak about the presumption of shared parenting, no matter if there is a claim for DV, abuse, and so on, because no matter what, these children need to be seen in a meaningful way and still love both of their parents.

Keifer also spoke about PAS and it not being presently accepted in the DSM.  He said that this does not mean it does not exist.  But that in fact, Battered Women’s Syndrome is not in the DSM either, yet the courts accept it as a defense.  He used the analogy of Gravity, and that even though it was not accepted as a concept in the beginning, it did not mean it did not exist.

Keifer would like to see enforcement of court orders with ramifications of those offenses such as the following if visitation is interfered with.  First time interference means an extra day for that parent whose visitation time was taken from them.  Second offense, the targeted parent gets two days of extra visits.  Third offense, the target parent gets three make up days. 

Keifer had some harsh words for all parent of impede with the children’s relationship.  He sees custodial interference as a crime and that the police should get involved by telling the interfering parent that if they do not turn over the children, they will go to jail.  He believes that one of the best weapons we have is child support, and if a parent impedes the relationship between the children and the other parent, that their child support should go into an escrow account to collect interest and be turned over to the kids when they are older if the offending parent refuses to ever comply.  Child support is for the kids’ benefit, not the alienator who is blocking visitation.

Keifer wants to see the kids removed from the drama and trauma but questions how the courts can be allowing parents to relocate and move the children so far from one of their parents.  He wants the issue of GAL and Attorney for the Minor Child (AMC) abuses of the system addressed.  These professionals are supposed to represent what is in the best interest of the child, yet, many are charging exorbitant hourly rates, as high as $350 an hour, to represent what is in the best interest of the child and/or what the child wants.  He also sited that many of these GAL/AMC’s do not even meet with the child or properly investigate matters, and instead are robbing the families of all their funds and slowing down the process, leaving many families bankrupt and destitute with no college savings.

Keifer even commented on alimony and that it is an equal right and an equal responsibility that both parents contribute to the raising of the children and that life time alimony is inappropriate.  He quoted from the comic, Flip Wilson, who used to say, “His wife was suing him for alimony because he made her give up her job at the dry cleaners when they were married.”  This is not evidenced based enough and thus alimony should be a limited term and not lifetime.  He feels as many do, why should someone have to be responsible for someone else’s happiness for the rest of their life?  Shouldn’t each person be responsible for his or her own happiness?  Which then brought Keifer to the subject of Child support and how the math is very flawed by false averages.  His final words were, “Get Angry, Get Active!”

Following all of the speakers, there was a question and answer time with Senator Fasano who had another pressing engagement after the rally.  First, Joey Watley spoke about Title 2 (ADA Rights) and that CT is NOT compliant with them.   Then Paul, now of Virginia, spoke about a bill already passed by CT in 2005 for parents rights and shared custody that was not being adhered to by the courts.  Cheryl Martone, of US Concerned Parents, spoke up about DCF’s forcing of GAL’s onto older children when these children were often able to speak up on their own, as they are old enough to do so.  Clarification was made by myself, Joan T. Kloth-Zanard of PAS Intervention, about how and when was the best time of day to approach our legislators.  To which, Senator Fasano emphasized the importance that once the bill is in front of the legislators, we need to make an appointment to meet with each of our respective Senators and Representatives about it.

There were comments from Susan of Litchfield about children going to the abusive parent because of assumed allegations of abuse.  Her feeling is that Parental Alienation took her kids away because it was her ex’s defense against her.  She stated that her children were sexually abused but yet the experts and her ex claimed that she was the alienator and removed her custody with her children from her.  She believes that both parents should have visitation but in her case, they left her destitute and unable to afford supervised visits even if she was the alienator.  She believes that kids are really in danger but some “camps” believe GAL/AMC/Therapist/Evaluators are not thorough enough in their investigative techniques causing false allegations of Parental Alienation.  Then Don from Trumbull spoke up.  He was followed by Peter Szymonik, an Attorney/GAL, who addressed the issue the GAL/AMC referral list and that there needs to be a better system of assigning GAL’s and AMC’s.  Our present system seems to follow the ‘good ol’ boys network” with judges only referring cases to their “buddies”, which leaves out any GAL’s and AMC’s who are not connected politically.

In the end, the rally was quite a success with people from all over in attendance to show their support for Bill No. 77, a Presumption of Shared Parenting.  Many believe that if this bill was passed, it might just end many of the abuses now going on in our family court system.  And if this bill is not passed, there is still a lot of awareness and education happening in the state of Connecticut that we need to continue this fight until we get it passed.