Obituary: Raymond Lilley II, 65, Of Wallingford

WALLINGFORD, CT — (From Wallingford Funeral Home): Raymond Lilley II, 65, of Wallingford, passed away Sept 7, 2023. He was born and raised in Hartford, where he graduated from South Catholic High School.

The son of Connecticut State Trooper and Air Force Major General Raymond Lilley and Carol Oliver Lilley, Ray had many life-long friends from “the Southend.” It was there at South Catholic that Ray met his wife of 42 years Kathleen Smith Lilley.

Ray attended Norwich University before being accepted into the United States Military Academy graduating in 1981. The class slogan is “Strength as One” and the strong bond still remains between them all to this day. While at the Academy, Ray graduated from the Army Airborne School and completed his Cadet Troop Leader Training with the 101st Airborne Division.

After graduating from West Point with a Bachelor of Science Degree in General Engineering, he was commissioned a Second Lieutenant in the Field Artillery and reported to Fort Sill, OK for his Officer Basic Course and Canon Battery Officer Course. He then reported to 5th Corps Artillery in West Germany and was assigned to a nuclear capable, self-propelled 155mm artillery battalion on the East German border in the Fulda Gap, the location most believed would be the start of World War III with the Communist block countries.

Following his tour of duty on the “cutting edge of freedom,” Ray returned to Fort Sill to attend his Officer Advance Course. From there he reported to Fort Carson, CO in Colorado Springs where he served in the 4th Infantry Division Artillery as an Assistant Operations Officer and Nuclear Weapons Officer for a self-propelled artillery battalion before being named Battery Commander. During this time his son Raymond III was born.

After 7 years of active duty, a family decision was made to leave active duty and return home to Connecticut where Ray began his civilian career at Textron Lycoming. Ray stayed in the Army Reserve and volunteered for Operations Desert Shield and Desert Storm while commanding two Basic Combat Training (BCT) Companies working in Fort Jackson, SC before being named Commandant of the 76th Training Division. It was during this time that he went back to West Point and was an advanced tactics instructor for Cadets in their junior year. His next assignment was as a Detachment Commander in the 411th Civil Affairs Battalion, part of the 5th Special Operations Command. This was Ray’s 5th troop command position.

His final military role was as the Assistant Professor of Military Science at UConn in the Army ROTC Department. Ray was also responsible for satellite units at Central Connecticut and Southern Connecticut State Universities as well as Yale and Sacred Heart. During this time he was assigned to a unit tasked with training the Iraqi Special Forces in Baghdad but received his retirement orders prior to deployment. This ended a career that spanned over 23 years of service to our great country.

During this time, Ray also found time to get a Master of Science Operations Management from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, and attended the Executive Development Programs at MIT’s Sloan School of Management. His professional career brought him to Cigna, The Hartford, Insurity, Travelers and CMIC where he worked in IT Project Management.

Ray made Wallingford his home for 35 years where he was very active in the local community as well as with causes both statewide and nationwide. He first joined the Hartford Elks Lodge #19 in 2002 later moving to the Wallingford Elks Lodge 1365, where he was a two-time Exalted Ruler and served on numerous committees. As Keynote Speaker before the 2015 Wallingford Memorial Day Parade, he spoke about a Lifetime of Service. He served on the Wallingford Democratic Town Committee, the Wallingford Charter Revision Committee, and the town Veterans Committee. He volunteered and raised funds for many charities over the years being recognized by the Wounded Warrior Project for his fundraising and he received the President of the United States Call to Service Award. Ray started the Chernik Amputee Foundation and served on the CT Veterans Day Parade Committee. Most recently his volunteer work was focused on supporting those who continue to serve our country year after year in the US Joint Special Operations.

Ray was a lifelong athlete, playing hockey and football and was an award-winning swimmer in his early years. While stationed in Colorado, he attended a NIHOA hockey official training program that led to a lifetime of officiating on the ice. He was proud of his hockey officiating career, where he refereed games from youth hockey up to Division I college. He was selected to officiate the first international amputee hockey tournament in Finland which led to him being recognized in the Hockey Hall of Fame.

But his proudest hockey moments were coaching his son Raymond in hockey, golf and whatever sport “Gator” was playing. He was on the board of the Wallingford Hawks Youth Hockey Association, spending many hours/years on the ice coaching and instructing young skaters and left a lasting impression on many local youth hockey players.

Golf and traveling were two things he loved. He was a member of Wallingford Country Club and The Farms Country Club until heart issues slowed him down. He even played the Old Course at St. Andrews with his father-in-law in 1984. He looked forward to his Ireland golf trip every four years with the Hartford Sister Cities crew. His travels took him and Kathy to many places, but Aruba was his happy place. As soon as he got on the plane he was in Aruba “mode.”

Ray was a good soul, who truly cared about everyone. His military training taught him it was not about him. He was loved and respected by all, a true Patriot and Elk. He made an impact everywhere he went, and will be sorely missed by everyone he touched, along with his wife Kathy of Wallingford, his grandson Lawson and his son Raymond III of Lake Worth, Florida. He also leaves behind his brother Charlie Lilley of Wethersfield and Kathy’s numerous siblings, where Ray was part of the Smith brother-in-law club as one of the husbands of the six sisters and forever friend to her three Smith brothers.

Ray’s family will receive relatives and friends in The Wallingford Funeral Home, 809 N. Main St. Ext., on Wednesday September 13, from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated on Thursday at 11 a.m. directly at Church of the Resurrection, 115 Pond Hill Rd., Wallingford. Interment will take place at a later date in West Point Cemetery.

Memorial donations in Ray’s name may be made to Wallingford Hawks Youth Hockey Association, to continue to grow youth hockey in the Wallingford area. Please send to: Wallingford Hawks, P.O. Box 644, Wallingford, CT 06492 or to the Army Athletic Association: Army A Club, 629 Howard Rd, West Point, NY 10996.

For more information and to leave online condolences, visit Wallingford Funeral Home here.