Not the "Wicked Stepmother"

"I really like my son's stepmother. She is good people."

What divorced mom actually thinks like this?

Well,me.

It has taken me years to get here, not for anything she did wrong, but to get past my own emotions and feelings about my son's father.  (And as far as he goes, he’s also not so bad himself.) 

To explain this, I must go back . . .

My son's father and I met when I was 19 years old.  My son was born one month after I turned 21 and we were married a few months later.  He was — and is — a great father.  He was a pretty good husband, too.  The problem was me. 

By the time I was 25, I took a look around and realized that I didn't want to be married.  And, to top that off, the person I was married to had a complete different vision of what was important in life.  He wanted a bus-load of children and I was still bitter about stretch marks.  He wanted to go to mega-churches and I am agnostic.  He wanted a white picket fence and I wanted to see the world. 

We managed to both make it through college, but it didn't take long for the other shoe to drop once out in the real world.  I did love him, but not the way I should have.  I made plenty of mistakes and he made some, too. 

I never thought I was going to end up a 25-year-old divorcee, but I did. 

Luckily, we attempted to be adults.  We had worked out custody schedules and most of the "splitting of debt." I say ‘debt,' considering we really didn't own anything, but a pile of bills.

I moved out to Brandon (from Tampa). 

He followed shortly after to stay near our son.  Now, we are bound to each other at least until he graduates high school. 

Both my ex and I dated other people after the divorce.

Then he met his current wife.

It wasn't always rosy.  I blamed her for monetary decisions the ex made, which may or may not have had anything to do with her.  I didn't like that at that time she always had a glass of wine in her hand when I saw her, even though I certainly am NO STRANGER to alcohol.

And lastly, I didn't like that when my son occasionally and accidentily called her, “Mom." 

To be truthful, I still don't love it. 

However, after many years of split custody and a recent encounter with her, I have come to have quite a bit of respect for the new Mrs.  X.  She has my son as often as I do.  She loves him, no doubt, just like one of her own sons.  After football last weekend, she invited me in (not so much, as I asked to use the restroom, but she didn't kick me out) and we had a nice opportunity to talk. 

She is smart, funny, sweet and loving; all qualities you would hope to find in someone who watches over your child.  I am thankful that my ex chose her, but it's not surprising.  I even prefer to deal with her when discussing my son, because she is divorced herself and doesn't let emotions get in the way when it comes to raising children of divorce.   Unfortunately, every time I talk to my ex longer than five minutes, we take stabs at each other (mainly just because we can).  With her, there is no history, so there is no jab, just the business at hand.

My son has been trying for the past several years to get us to "hang out."  He thinks we have a lot in common (in addition to his father).  We both love reality TV, wine, the same music, etc. 

Do I ever think a "girls night out" is going to happen? Probably over my ex's dead body, but I wouldn't turn it down if she offered. 

Do you have an interesting juxtaposition with your child's "other family"?  I'd love to read your comments (or emotional outbursts) on the topic.