Being A Face in the Crowd

Some people reflect about things that happen to them that stand out in their lives.

Things that others might assume would never happen to them. As a parent my objective was always to create lasting memories for my children. Things and events that they can carry later on to their families. Into their adult lives. When I set out in this world it was just one. Me.

I had no idea what my purpose in life would be as a child. I didn't experience those revelations until much later on in life. The memories my father created for me have become more than just that in my life as I look backwards. The memories of living with a single father are really not all that good. A lot of them I would much rather put behind me.

I was not given the tools I needed from a parent to go into adulthood as most children would be given. I lacked a home life of love. Instead my world as a child evolved around law and politics. And, a whole lot of religion. All religious practices I believe, except a few. 

My father was radical in his beliefs. Perhaps too radical. But, somehow he always drove his point home. Whether one agreed with him or not. Little did I know as a child that I would hear his voice in my adult life. Every day. More so over the last several years than any other time in my life. His objective then was to make a difference in the world. However hardlined it appeared to some I believe he accomplished that. If not with anyone other than myself. It's so predominate in my life to hear his words daily from my childhood that it dawned on me that I, too, can make a difference. Just not in the same forceful and radical way that he did. I'm going to be the human voice with no radical beliefs. I have human beliefs instead. Centered around those things about the Constitution that my father bellowed every day of my young life roaring in my ears. 

I've lived majority of my life in complacancy. We as a family, always had everything. My children never did without. In fact, as a former military family, my children were afforded a lifestyle that sheltered them from the outside ugliness going on in our world daily. All of that changed one day. And, I never saw it coming to ambush me. Not even a hint of it. Until I was living it in full, vivid, reality. The girl that had everything suddenly had nothing.

My father used to warn me: "Beware, that of which is given by God can also be yanked away as quickly as it was given."

I never took him seriously. I became complacent. Way too comfortable and naive about life. I used to say, "It will never happen to me."  Big mistake. Fast forward past the story of the last three years, because, I do believe everyone knows that piece of my life pretty well at this point.

Present day: After my experience of being homeless it never broke me no matter how tempted to give up that I felt. A big factor in my life was God. I do believe now that he has created my destiny for the rest of my adult life. With a very strong message that I never understood until recently. I began to understand it three years ago. Slowly, but surely, each day brought about a new revelation for my life. New revelations about myself. About my family. About life. He made sure He pointed out things to me daily that I never noticed before. Made me very humble and created a sense of humility within me. Taught me what the true meaning of grateful is. And, each day, guiding me in the age old question that we all have.

Which is "what exactly is my purpose in life?"

Mine are two things. Perhaps more. But the main ones are be a good example to my children and help lead them into adulthood. The other I recently discovered is that each one of my actions are a reflection upon others around me. Making a difference. 

Often times I am asked how it is I plan on making a difference. And, more times than not my head goes into overdrive with all the ways I plan on making a difference. But, the main priority in making a difference is to always treat others around you as you would want them to treat you.

Hate begets hate. Violence begets violence. Love creates love around you. Music can tame the savage beast. I mean, seriously we could go on and on with all the ways one can create a difference in their community. As well as their lives. Random acts of kindness are always a great way to start. I learned this over the course of three years. One of those years being homeless. Even though I did not appear to be "homeless" to a lot of people in daily life I was. Right along with my son. No one ever asked. And, we never volunteered it. Even some of our own family had no idea we were until a local journalist featured us in a human interest story of our local newspaper. Not once, but, twice over the course of a year.

It created an outpouring of support from my local community of Clearwater. And, then some from overseas for my son. I must have fielded more than 100 emails in less than a day of the story being published. And, even more phone calls for a week following. A massive outpouring of random acts of kindness. Even from some of our local homeless.

The smallest of tokens was given to my son on the steps of a homeless shelter. $2. From yet another veteran homeless gentleman in downtown Clearwater in front of Starbucks. $2. The end result of that story and outpouring of support from my church, the shelter, various community residents and beyond was overwhelming! If I could make a list of all the people that I feel so much gratitude towards it would span a notebook and fill it! And, it wasn't the generous outpouring of my community, family, church, CHIP and others that made so much of a difference to us either.

It wasn't the "things" we experienced. It was the overwhelming feeling of having a whole bunch of arms wrapped around us all at once. Every day. Everywhere we went. The main lesson taken from that experience was not something for myself but, the smallest most invisible thing you can only experience with God's attention upon you. My son experienced what HOPE felt life for the first time in his life.

Yesterday, Bay News 9 did a human interest story on us. A follow up from my involvement with the . My inspiration to go out and make a difference? Came from the experience my son and I lived for a year. I have been at every meeting except for one concerning these newest ordinances that are clearly targeting our homeless population. You can't sit here. Lie down here or there. But, you can over in this area or this spot. But, then when you do there's yet another ordinance against outdoor lodging kicked into action. And, if you're caught violating any of these ordinances you face fines you can never afford and possibly jail.

I guess now that point is being driven home to the community. And, that is if you don't understand it, if it appears ugly to you, then get rid of it. However you need to apparently.

So, I took on a battle with because it infuriates me. How is this making a difference to our community's poor and less fortunate?

Our city leaders are clearly and intentionally violating ADA rights given to the disabled. I would like to clarify that "disability" as defined by ADA includes also those disabilities that are physically disabling one's ability to survive and function normally like the rest of us. Being a recovering alcoholic is a disability. Suffering from bipolar and depressive disorders is a disability. Being a recovering drug addict is a disability. Having panic attacks and anxiety disorders is a disability.

Being homeless is also a disability.

My son and I were once again featured on a local news report thru Bay News 9 in response to these newest, rather, unkind, ordinances recently passed. Over the course of three years during our experience and recovery from being homeless we have always attempted to make a difference towards those who have or still are living the same experience.

I decided to take on the devil once again. Having no idea whatsoever how to approach it all. I am completely depending on God to guide me on this journey. 

Someone once asked me, "how do you think you can make a difference with all of this going on in your city?"

And in frustration I replied. "I am going to run for Mayor of Clearwater."

In all honesty it was said out of frustration because I'm human. And, I believe in human kindness. I believe it exists in our society. I maintain great hope that even that I can't see it happening everyday in our society amidst a very poor economy where people and families are losing their jobs, and homes? That MY community believes in random acts of kindness.

I believe that even though I may not see it in my daily life within Clearwater? That there are people within my community that are outraged that our city leaders could blatantly ignore not only one's Constitutional rights? Not only their rights afforded to them under the ADA? But those humanitarian acts of kindness that no matter what faith you practice? That are being performed. 

No one noticed my son and I while we were homeless. Not until we were featured in the local newspaper. And, now? No one has noticed the homeless population that indeed live within our community everyday. Every where that anyone might be. I can promise you that there are homeless individuals next to you.

In cars. On bikes. In our schools. In our places of employment. In businesses. In our churches sitting in the pew next to us. Name anywhere that you might frequent in a day's time and, I can promise you that there is at least one homeless family or individual next to you. And, they aren't "ugly" as city leaders might portray them to be either. I know this for a fact. I was once one of that population.

So, once said out of frustration, I made a statement that I would run for Mayor of Clearwater. Little did I know that God was clearly pushing me to make a big difference.

Never question God's intent in your life. Never say something you can't follow through on either. Even in joking. Because from my experience with the "big guy"? He takes me seriously. Very seriously.

I know nothing about politics. Except that only people with money and clout in their city and state? Have the best chances. Only those that come from lives of luxury? Always have the best opportunity in the world to run for any type of political office. As is obvious by our current Presidential candidates. Little did I know that my own family and friends would daily push me to go for it. Little did I know that God would keep a very firm and steady hand on my back. Nudging me daily. Pushing me daily. You'd think I'd learn that He means business in my life.

I woke up yesterday morning. Frustrated. Discouraged with my community. I've seen a few people from our homeless population at the city council meetings. I've seen a few community residents at these meetings. I saw my own pastor at these meetings. I've seen media. I've talked to these people. I've listened to what they had to say. In parking lots. In grocery stores. In my own church. Amongst my own family and friends. I've listened to random strangers on the street.

Every where I go? People, randomly talk to me. Just like that.

I stop and I listen. I pay attention to their story. To their words. Daily I ponder on just how many other people in my community are doing the same exact thing in their daily lives.

I'm not a politician. I haven't the first clue as to what a politician does exactly, aside from sitting in a nice office every day. That they travel to meetings to other places to talk to other people in nice offices about other things and how to accomplish laws, ordinances and maintain peace within their communities, cities, and states.

I have no money. I live in a mobile home. I drive a 12 year old car that was one of my oldest daughters' first car. I shop in thrift stores a lot. I clip coupons to buy groceries. I would rather buy make up from Target than from Nordstrom's. I'd rather watch movies on Netflix with microwave popcorn. I can make a dollar last a week. I budget right down to the very penny. I also save pennies and silver change. And I count it up to put gas in my car.

I think I've made my point with my personal life without going any further.

I have no idea what my chances for a city office position are. But, I have definitely been pushed to chase that opportunity. Because I want to make a difference within my community. And, that includes everyone that walks, drives, rides on our city streets and sidewalks. Regardless of economic status. Regardless of societal status. Whether they live on the streets, in shelters, have problems with alcohol and drugs, have little education or a lot.

My boyfriend one evening last week said something very profound to me. "You want to make a difference? Then speak it!"

So, I am speaking it. Daily. Have been speaking it. Continue to speak it. I don't sit and ponder over what I should or need to say daily. It just comes to me. It comes to me first thing in the morning when I ask God first thing in the morning "OK? What do You want me to say today?". "What is it You require of me today God?"

Whatever faith you practice? What is it that you're speaking today? What is it you hear others "speaking" in your daily life? Are you actually listening and observing life going on around you? Or, does it just become, "not your problem"? What are you "speaking" to others?

I hate to be the messenger? But, our community has a problem now, that, if they thought does not affect them directly, daily? Clearly does. Because, no one is exempt from becoming homeless.

Whether or not I have any chance at all of being the next mayor of my city is not all that important to me. I can promise you though that I will be listening to and observing the community around me daily. That election is two years away, too. And, who knows what could happen inbetween now and then. But, this is the path I've been set upon for whatever unknown reason I have yet to understand. I intend on following through regardless of outcome as well. Not as a career politician either. Because clearly I am not. And, that's probably what this community needs working the midnight oils while they sleep at night. It would definitely become a 24/7 job. And, I want absolutely NO salary for this job either.

One shouldn't be paid to be a humanitarian individual. One shouldn't be given money to understand exactly what is needed within their city and community. I am going to live my life as I always do daily. Being so grateful to God for giving me the enlightment I desperately hungered for on what was going on around me in the world. For giving me the wisdom and heart to actually notice those around me that our present community city leaders so clearly have no understanding about.

And, if I'm the only one in our community showing up at city council meetings for the next two years to be that voice? Then so be it. I will pray in the meantime that I can bring those faces and stories of our homeless population in a much clearer and more humanitarian light to the public. 

Why would I do that? Because, we're all five minutes away from being homeless. And, I don't want to be that person they come to that gives them a piece of paper for resources in our city that are full, unavailable or impossible to achieve and send them on their merry way. Out of sight. Out out mind.

Before I go to bed each night? I will have made sure that something is given to the population that helps them not only to survive in a humanitarian and dignified manner? That I will have taken the necessary time and put forth the effort even if it means driving that person or persons in my own vehicle? To safety and shelter.

I don't know right now HOW I will accomplish that? But, I'm being advised by a much better source than any book, or piece of paper could ever give me. And, encouraged by the love and support of family and friends. 

My one wish until then? Is to see more community involvement when it comes to those that could very well be you at some point of your life. I want to see more people at city council meetings.

Donate to your local soup kitchens and shelters. Your local churches and parishes.

Do one act of random kindness everyday. Even if it's your last dollar until next pay day. Voice how you feel to whomever you feel it's important to. 

If I'm not afraid?

Then YOU shouldn't be either.