A Conversation With My Soon-To-Be Freshman

I hate shopping. I just didn't get the shopping gene, but somehow it doubled up in my daughter’s DNA. Lucky me.

For weeks now, my soon-to-be high school freshman has been strategizing and mapping out her back-to-school wardrobe spree, calculating every detail based on her given budget. She's spent countless hours creating outfits with paired accessories online to ensure that she would know where and what to buy down to the very last dollar.

The impending shopping day is something I’ve dreaded all summer. Not only did my daughter want to make an epic day out of it, she also wanted me to go to an outlet mall two hours away so that we could walk through 150 stores. My feet ached just imagining myself limping with blistered ankles as I lugged heavy bags on each arm. 

My counter-strategy (or so I thought) was that I demanded we be out the door and on the road by 7:30 a.m. if she wanted to go the distance. It was stupid to assume that would be enough to at least convince her to choose a local mall. It’s amazing what she's willing to do for shopping. She was up, dressed and ready to go before I'd even finished brushing my teeth. Ugh … it was on.

What I didn’t realize though was that the anticipated trip from hell turned out to be an important day with my daughter. She was trapped in the car with me for a two hour road trip each way, and I took full advantage of this time. This meant she had to talk to me - no earphones allowed. After filling up the car with gas, we were on our way, and the conversation began.

Starting high school next week is a big change for her. I still can't believe the time is already here. Her childhood seems to have passed in the blink of an eye, and I'm not ready. This is when she’s going to step over boundaries, push the limits, discover her first love and her first broken heart, decide to embrace her artistic side or keep it coveted, proclaim girl power or be just one of the guys, discover humility, become a rebel or join a movement and convince herself she’ll change the world. Perhaps she’ll even feel insecure for the first time in her life. 

I wanted nothing more than to instill the knowledge that these experiences and feelings that will soon happen will not define her. This should be the time of her life because once it’s over, the real world isn’t so forgiving or blithe.

I asked her if she was excited about being in the big leagues now with the older kids. I asked her about boys, her changing interests and impressed upon her that she should always value herself and be selective. I warned her about gossipy girls and that she doesn’t want to be one of them or the brunt of their idle and ruthless blathers. 

I told her to be kind to everyone because each person has a story and that, in the end, no one is better than the other. I dared her to remain true to herself and never give in to becoming someone she is not, to beat to her own drum if that’s her path and purpose. I shared my high school memories of best friends, tragedies, my first job, prom, starting a poetry club and the day I knew I wanted to save the world. 

And all the while I chatted away she listened and she responded, and I even made her laugh. I learned a lot about my daughter on this once-dreaded drive, and I believe that she too learned that I was not so different from who she is now after all.

When it was time to park the car I was disappointed that our conversation was over, at least for a few hours. We still had the ride home.

Learn more about getting the kids ready for school in Gulfport. Check out this story on Gulfport Patch for bell times and school contact information.