How Much Should Parents Help With Homework?

I hate homework.

Sometimes I feel that it’s a punishment for parents. It’s the one part of the school year that I don’t look forward to even though I know it’s beneficial for students.

At the end of my workday, my brain is fried. Coming home to exhausted kids, it’s no small feat to get them motivated to crack open the books and get their work done at a reasonable hour.

A few weeks into the new school year, homework assignments have already come pouring in. It’s a big transition for my sixth grader to go from one main teacher to seven. Half the battle at this age is for kids to remember all their assignments and to bring home the necessary materials to do them. My son has surprised me so far this school year, which has been a relief.

Now in middle school, my son gets home late in the afternoon. The last thing he wants to do is start on homework. But if he waits to get started, it’s sure to be a late night for the both of us. Add a difficult assignment and the evening is a bust.

In order to help move things along, it’s normal for parents to want to jump in and help out when their kids are struggling. Getting involved with homework is important. It keeps parents informed about what their kids are learning in their classes and which subjects they are excelling at or struggling in. But is there a limit to how much a parent should be involved when it comes to homework?

What If the Parent Doesn't Understand the Subject?

I can tell you without a doubt that my son has asked me for help on assignments out of pure frustration without truly trying to tackle them first. For instance, last night my son whipped out his math book. He immediately called me from across the house to help him with the first problem. He said he didn’t understand the problem. I have to admit that when I read the question, I had no clue what he was supposed to do.

I couldn’t even comprehend the terms used. Seriously? How can I expect my child to do this if I can’t? But I reminded myself before responding that I was not in class with his teacher, who I’m sure had thoughtfully walked the class through how to solve these problems. Surely she wouldn’t ask him to do something without having explained the process, right?

While my knee-jerk reaction was to tell him to just skip it for now (I'm feeling stupid here), my mom-guilt refrained and asked him to go to the beginning of the chapter and read through the introduction and examples. Immediately a deep growl escaped my son’s mouth. “Why can’t you just explain it to me?” he pleaded. The truth was I couldn’t. Sorry, kid, you have to try to get through this one. I felt bad, useless.

I didn’t quite leave him hanging out to dry, though. I agreed to read the chapter with him. Sure enough, the book perfectly explained the terms and the setup and breakdown of solving the problem. And with that, he got excited that he figured it out on his own and went on to finish his homework.

When he got stuck on another problem, I asked him to stop and think about it, and to again look for a similar problem used as an example. It was clear my son had the ability to do the work all along; he just needed a little prodding to get him to review them material first.

How Much Involvement Is Too Much?

I think I handled the math homework the right way. But last week my son had to write a paper describing something in great detail. Now this I could help him with, but I wanted to see what he would come up with first. He wrote a nice story about his bearded dragon and although he included some good details, I knew he could expound further. 

I read his story out loud and as I came to different parts, I stopped and asked him questions that triggered him to think about how he could add more details. “What size is he? What sounds does he make? What does he feel like when you touch him? Is he friendly? How does he eat?”

My son added sentences that described these things, and in the end he had a solid story that was much better than the one he originally drafted. I know when his teacher reads his paper she will be impressed with his use of descriptions and details. I was excited about it. But was I wrong to do this?

My daughter argued that sixth graders don’t write like that and that it was obvious that I helped him write it. He wrote every sentence; I just provoked him by throwing questions at him to consider where he could take it further. But he didn’t ask me for help on this assignment and seemed pleased with what he had written without my uninvited insight.

Did I in any way undermine his ability to do this on his own? Did I take anything away from his feeling of accomplishment? I actually felt guilty for helping my son with his assignment, so I decided to investigate this issue further.

Finding the Right Balance

I found that the Department of Education provides helpful homework tips for parents. When a child asks for help, it says that parents should provide guidance and not answers. And if a child is supposed to complete an assignment on his own, parents should refrain from helping.  

Parents can help their kids with organization, time management, providing an environment that is not distracting and reviewing assignments when they are completed. Teaching accountability is also important. Parents have a role in helping their kids with homework, but too much involvement can hinder rather than help educational development.

Communicating with teachers also can alleviate stress for parents if they are unsure about how much they should be helping their child with assignments. Honestly, this gets us off the hook a bit; we're not expected to always figure it out for them. Whew!

I feel better, more informed. Homework is here to stay, and we can get through this year together. And I'm OK with learning with my kid, even if it’s one math problem at a time.

Find tutoring services to help your child in the Gulfport Patch directory.

For students at Boca Ciega High School, check out our story "Study Programs, Free Testing and Block Scheduling Help Prepare Students for Success at Boca Ciega High School."