Should Parents Let Their Kids Quit?

If you have a child who has played a sport, then you are familiar with the time and commitment involved in being part of a team. Whether playing a field sport or in an organization, the schedule can be grueling on everyone. When kids reach a point of exhaustion or frustration, it’s not uncommon to hear them say they want to quit. 

As parents, we try to teach our kids about commitment and follow through and encourage involvement that will foster team-building and self esteem. But when should a parent consider allowing a child to quit?  

Sometimes parents should push to keep their kids going, and sometimes walking away may be the right decision. Many times when a child wants to leave a sport, it’s due to

• the child not improving and getting frustrated; 
• issues with teammates; 
• unrealistic expectations put on the child; 
• overemphasis on performance and winning; 
• their parents' interactions with other parents; 
• or being made to participate in something the child genuinely has no interest in.

My kids have tried it all: T-ball, baseball, BMX racing, soccer, tap, ballet, hip-hop, gymnastics, scouts, you name it. All of these experiences have allowed my kids to dabble in different activities and taught them the value of working as a team. Not all of their activities have lasted; sometimes they have lost interest, wanted to try something different or just didn’t take to the activity. 

My rule has always been that if my kids choose to sign up for a team and I make the financial investment for registration, equipment and time, they have to commit for the full season to give it a true shot. Unless there is a medical reason, there have been no exceptions to this rule, and that holds for attending practices, too.

Recently, a friend of mine asked my opinion about allowing her son to quit his football team. Her son is 9 years old and loves the game; it’s in his blood. With many of his past teammates moving on to the next level, he missed the mark by just one month to advance with them. The season has just started on his new team, and he has not been selected as quarterback; instead, the coach's son will be the quarterback, a double blow.

Extremely disappointed and frustrated, my friend’s son does not want to continue playing on the team. He thinks he skillfully earned the position, and he does not want to settle for running back, the position he has been assigned. It’s the beginning of the season, and the team has not played its first game yet. 

I told my friend that in this circumstance, I would ask the coach if my son could return to the team, and I would talk to him about the importance of being a team player and going out there and playing the best game he can. It’s about teaching commitment. Maybe the coach sees something in her son that he doesn’t see himself yet.  

I have always given my kids the freedom to decide whether they want to continue with a sport the next season or try something else. They have to choose something, even if it’s a school club or learning an instrument. My daughter played and excelled at soccer for five years but made the decision not to play anymore. During her last season, practice nights became an argument, and she seemed to have lost the fire she once had for the sport.  

Perhaps it was just the dynamic of that particular team. As the end of that season neared, I realized it wasn’t going to be worth it to make her play the next season if she was no longer enjoying it, but she had to finish the current season all the way through the tournament games.

Let’s face it. Sports, parents, kids and coaches can be an interesting mix of personalities and politics. If you’ve ever sat on the sidelines watching a sports practice or game, you’ve had the opportunity to witness some pretty ruthless behavior on the field and from spectators. 

Kids are competitive by nature, and when you mix personalities together to form a team, sometimes there is jealousy and animosity between teammates. You even see this behavior among parents. This usually works itself out over time, but sometimes it doesn’t, making the once-positive experience a negative one.

Kinsit Cooley of Largo supported her daughter’s decision to quit her gymnastics team. She commented, “I agree that kids should have to finish out the season. That was our rule with our daughter,Amyrenee. Parents have to keep in mind that the sport is for their child, and their happiness is important.”

Cooley struggled with allowing her daughter to leave her gymnastics team as she excelled at the sport, ranking high in competitions. But circumstances with other team members and the extremely demanding schedule took their toll on her daughter.

After trying to resolve the issues, Cooley further explained:

I did not want her to quit because I felt she was wasting her talent. The hardest thing I had to do was watch her walk away. But we did give her a stipulation that she had to join another sport. She is now in cheerleading and loves the sportsmanship and relationships she is building with the new girls. It was a natural transition for her and a real wake-up call for how overly involved some parents including myself can get in their child's sport.

It’s also difficult to make the call if your kid is struggling. My son is blind in one eye and wanted to play baseball, and with no depth perception it's nearly impossible to hit the ball. I dreaded going to the field, knowing how difficult it would be for him. Would other teammates be patient? Would the coach get frustrated? 

My son encountered both issues. There were times when I wanted to pull him off the team because he would get so upset after a practice if he didn’t hit the ball even once. He was playing with and against kids who have been playing the sport for years. They were very good and very competitive.

Night after night of him breaking down in tears when we drove home was not what this was supposed to be about. It was very painful hear him say that he felt he was the weakest link on the team. I hurt for him. But he was determined to not give up, and his motivation to stick with the team throughout the season was inspiring. During one of the last games, he slammed the ball with a great hit, and everyone stood up and cheered for him. I will never forget that moment, and neither will he.

The intention of most parents when getting their kids involved in sports or activities is to keep them busy, help them discover their interests and skills, build self-esteem, and learn good sportsmanship and teamwork. If a child wants to quit a team, it’s important to find out the root cause of the frustration. Sometimes just talking to the coach, other parents and teammates can help resolve issues. Trying different positions or ensuring your child gets the right amount of playing time can really make a difference, too. Know your kids, and know their limits. It's all about having fun in the end.

Find new activities for your kids through the Gulfport Recreation Center.