When Teens Sneak Out

It was the summer before my eighth grade year in middle school and I was spending the night at my friend’s house. Her bedroom was at the front of her house facing the street, making it easy for us to keep watch. It was around 11 p.m. and for us the night was just getting started. She’s a fellow redhead so we were always a dangerous combination.

Volume cranked up on the stereo, we locked the bedroom door and started executing our plan. We slid out the screen of her old six-panel window. We had to pop out two of them to make enough crawl space to climb through. Once outside we dashed to the end of the street making it around the corner. We were home free.

Five minutes later we heard the sound of puttering engines as two guys on mopeds pulled up to where we were standing. One of the high school boys lived in my neighborhood and the other was his tag-a-long friend. They were right on time and things were going as planned. We both hopped on and took off. I remember feeling the wind blowing through my hair as we rode openly on back roads for what seemed like hours. I was a rebel.

Everything was perfect until one of the bikes got a flat tire. We were pretty far from home, out near the mangroves and it took us about two hours to walk back to the house. When we got to the end of my friend's street my heart pounded as I saw my mom’s car in the driveway. We both knew we were busted and this would be the end of what was to be a fun summer, at least for me.

I was grounded for several weeks and not allowed to hang out with my friend for a very long time- even though I was the mastermind behind it all. My parents thought it was the first time I had ever done something like this, but it wasn’t. I had been sneaking out to meet up with friends several times already. We didn’t ever do anything that we couldn’t do any other time, so it was all about breaking boundaries and not getting caught. Except eventually we all did.

Fast forward 24 years and now I am the mother of a 14-year-old daughter. Knowing how much I hated early curfews and really tight boundaries, I have been a little more flexible with my daughter as she’s entered her teens. She makes good grades and is a good kid despite a sassy attitude here and there. I know all her friends and their parents. We all keep a good watch on the kids. We know where they are, who they are with and what they are doing. So we thought.

Last week while I was at work I missed a call on my cell from the mother of one of my daughter’s friends. When I called her back she asked me if it was a good time to talk. I knew right then this was not going to be good. Intercepted text messages revealed that my daughter and her friend snuck out of my house around 1 a.m. the weekend prior to go to another friend’s house.

"What?!!!?"

This wasn’t supposed to happen! I am the cool mom who lets her daughter have friends over all the time. I’m reasonable with curfews regarding her age and depending on the circumstance. I’ve only asked for simple courtesy and communication. I cannot believe she and her friend (who is like a daughter to me) would violate my trust like this. I was completely and utterly disappointed.

I don’t know how I didn’t hear them leaving or coming back in as I’m a really light sleeper and usually wake up to the slightest noise. After confronting my daughter, talking to the other parents and talking to her dad (yes I pulled the ex in on this one) she is serving out her sentence. I am determined to not end up with any gray hair out of this episode. Stripped of her cell phone, laptop, iPod and all other forms of communication you might think the sky has fallen right on top of her. She is grounded indefinitely and has been given more chores to do around the house.

As trust gets earned over time she may gain back certain privileges, but it will be a slow process. The repercussions of losing my faith in her word is the greatest punishment. My daughter will realize that she will not have nearly as loose a leash as before and won’t for a very long time. For the most part, she has surprisingly not been difficult and seems to be accepting her punishment without a revolt. My walls are all still intact and so far her vocal chords remain at bay.

But as angry as I am, I bring myself back to my own teen experiences and I’m trying to be a parent with compassion. My biggest concern expressed to my daughter is that the girls risked their safety and violated trust. I have always made clear that once you taint trust it’s never the same again. So now that this is all said and done I have to accept that I don’t have that perfect relationship with my child. She doesn't tell me everything and things are obviously done behind my back. It was a fairytale I know, but one I held onto. Now I must deal with reality…..grrrrrr.

So how can parents prevent their kids from attempting to sneak out? Window chimes or an alarm system are a sure way to go. For those on a tighter budget, planting prickly plants under bedroom windows should get the escapee to think twice.  The deterrants that keep people out can help keep your kids in. If you catch your kids after they’ve left, set a non-dangerous, but rather embarrassing trap that will go off as they sneak back in (video camera in hand is a must).

Humility goes a long way.

Or you can just tell them that you love them, explain why you are hurt and disappointed and hope they have learned something from this experience. My daughter and I will be planting beautiful rose bushes this weekend. I’ll even let her pick out the color.

Find your anti-sneak out supplies at your local stores: 

Walmart

Gulfport Hardware