Is Your Child the Bully?

The word “bullying” often conjures up an

image of a schoolyard scene, with a big,

intimidating student towering over a small,

cowering child. That’s just one face of

bullying—and of children who bully.

Another face of a bully might be…that of

your child. Surprised? Many parents are.

Often they have no idea that their child is

harassing other children. Yet knowing the

facts—and acting to change the situation—is

vitally important in making the future safer

for your child and all children.

Here’s why. Children who bully suffer as much

as those they target. They are significantly

more likely than others to lead lives marked

by school failure, depression, violence, crime,

and other problems, according to experts. The

message is clear: Bullying is too important to

ignore.

Could your child be bullying others? Would

you know? Once you found out, would you

know what to do? Here is some information

that can help.

What is bullying?

Bullying is different from the routine conflicts

of childhood. It is intentional behavior that is

meant to hurt and dominate another person.

Characterized by an imbalance of power

between the child who bullies and the target,

bullying can be physical, verbal, emotional

(social), or sexual. It includes harassment via

e-mail and instant messaging.

Who does it?

Children who bully come in a variety of

packages—the waif-like second grader, the big

sixth-grade boy, the child with a disability, the

popular girl, the loner. They can come from

any background, race, income level, family

situation, gender, or religion. Research has

shown that despite their differences children

who bully typically have one or more of the

following traits. They may:

• be quick to blame others and unwilling to

accept responsibility for their actions

• lack empathy, compassion, and

understanding for others’ feelings

• be bullied themselves

• have immature social and interpersonal

skills

• want to be in control

• be frustrated and anxious

• come from families where parents or

siblings bully

• find themselves trying to fit in with a peer

group that encourages bullying

• have parents who are unable to set limits,

are inconsistent with discipline, do not

provide supervision, or do not take an

interest in their child’s life.

If you see these traits in your child or hear

from others that your child is bullying, you

may want to look into the issue. If your child

is bullying, take heart. There’s a lot you can

do to help correct the problem. Remember,

bullying is a learned behavior—and it can be

“unlearned.” By talking with your child and

seeking help, you can teach your child more

appropriate ways of handling feelings, peer

pressure, and conflicts.

information provided by the PACER center