'YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!' At What Age Can Children Start Making the Rules?

(Editor's note: New Tampa Patch would like to welcome its newest blogger, Anissa K. Morris, a licensed attorney and founder of New Tampa Legal Counsel. This is her first post. Want more info about becoming a blogger yourself? Email John.majeski@patch.com.)

Last week I was listening to a morning radio program discussing at what age a child can decide not to visit the noncustodial parent. During the program they talked about a co-worker's 11-year-old daughter who decided she didn't want to visit her dad anymore. Many questions of course sparked from this segment like, "At what age is it ok?" and "Do I have to make my child go?"

In my practice, I typically see older children refuse visitation. If you have teenagers, or know of any from a divorced family, I'm sure you have quite possibly heard this, "No, I'm not going to visit, I have plans." As children grow older, they often prefer not to have their lives interrupted.

So what happens when a child refuses to visit the noncustodial parent?

On the radio show, many listeners did not agree to allow an 11-year-old to decide, but here are the hard facts - legally, parents are to follow the court order, but there's really nothing you can do to force a child to go.  

Generally the older the child, the more input he or she may have in the initial decision about where to live during a divorce, and judges are usually very receptive to hear from the children. However, a motion for permission for the child to testify/address the court needs to be filed and granted before the Judge will ever talk with a child.

However, there is no magic age when a child has full say over who to visit or live with. It is ultimately up to a judge and once a court order is set, it is up to the parents to enforce the judgment to the best of their ability.

Here are some tips for noncustodial parents:

Number One: Treat your time with your children as sacred. Most noncustodial parents typically fall in the 'Disney Dad' or 'Disney Mom' category. More often than not, parents are too focused on being the 'fun' one and over plan their visitation weekends. Having a lot planned for the weekends can make kids feel like hamsters in a wheel, and it makes it harder to really connect with them.

Number Two: Keep up with their activities on your weekend. Even though you may not have signed your child up for a certain sport team or group, to keep normalcy, it's best to keep up with it because it is 'their' weekend, too. Refusing to take your children to their pre-planned activities on your weekend may cause resentment towards you.

Number Three: Stay connected. Since you cannot be there all the time, staying connected is key. Try setting up scheduled phone times, or get on their level and be their 'friend' on social media sites. By reaching out with their preferred means of communication - phone, texting or online - it can help you stay in touch and keep the lines of communication open.